Friday, October 10, 2008

tough choices

Fria chica has believed the story her boyfriend told her about the heroin being old and no longer used as only a lover can. She decided to stay with him. I think part of my lack of understanding comes from selfishness;I was so excited at the thought of having her back. Of course we still talk almost everyday so it isn't like she is that far removed. They are coming down this weekend to visit. On the way they are swinging through Wichita to pick up the girls. I am looking forward to Sunday's breakfast. Lately we have only been having 10-12 family members and it seems very quiet.

I left work this morning at lunch as was struck at the deep blue of the sky. That is one of my biggest complaints about where I work, we rarely see the sky. For lunch I sat on a park bench and ate a couple of corned beef sandwiches while noticing how the still green trees looked as they brushed against the sky. I don't remember noticing the lack of nature as much when I worked at the library. There were a few large windows there that had a nice view, but I wonder if being surrounded by books was the real difference.
That led me to ask myself to make a choice. Say the choice was between a lifetime spent outdoors in a place with beautiful but varied weather conditions or in a beautiful, never ending library with no natural light which would I choose. In the end I think I would choose to live outdoors because I can tell myself stories but nothing can imitate the sun. Now if I could meld the two places together that would be paradise.

Tuesday, October 07, 2008

The one in which I laugh at the misfortune of others

Fria Chica has been trying to answer the question, "is the man I'm living with back on drugs?", for the last few months. Today she found the answer, heroin, in a sock drawer. One of the quirky clues was that their spoons were disappearing. The money disappearing he explained by loss or theft, but who loses or steals spoons? The spoons were also in the drawer. Today, after I tie up a few loose ends, I am driving to Oklahoma City to pick her and baby up. Since I have had the luxury of being an observer, who needs no concrete proof, I have known the answer to the question since she started asking it. Therefore I am so happy she has decided to come home. I am also selfishly excited because I love having my sister near me; O.K. City was just too far away. Once again I will have somebody to discuss books, watch Elizabethan age movies, and drink white wine with.

On another note, I had something happen to me yesterday that I took way too much pleasure in. A nice person should not be so happy at getting to ruin somebody's day. I have mentioned before that I didn't like my last boss. Over the last few weeks she has been removed from her position because she didn't do several of the required parts of her job. Of course I knew she wasn't doing them. When I worked under her I did a lot of them. I bitched the whole time, but I did them. Instead of being grateful she blamed any mistakes she made on me, and not to my face, she said horrible things about me whenever somebody complained about the office. She was the main reason I transferred out of the office. The person she hired to replace me didn't clean up after her and try to keep things going, she turned her in.
Now my former boss has moved out of town and is job hunting. While I have been following the story with interest, it alone has not given me delight. Yesterday I received a call from a lady trying to hire a receptionist. She had called the listed sources and came up empty. Trying to find out about this person character she took a shot and called someone she knew from our town. That person gave her my name and number. Even with my bad feelings I felt bad about giving a negative reference. I almost just gave a lame 'she'll probably do okay', but I checked myself. If I did this somebody else would be stuck working with her. This lady told me about it being a small office and the importance of finding the right person. She seemed like a very nice, earnest person. So I gave an honest opinion. I didn't rant or go on. I just let her know what working with this applicant would be like. Then I hung up the phone and laughed my maniacal laugh. These are the moments that evil daydreams are made of;rarely are they realized.

Wednesday, October 01, 2008


Monday was Mon's birthday. Since Lane had a ballgame and she had to cheer we postponed the cake until last night. I baked a red velvet and a pineapple upside down cake. Our family has grown to large for just one cake. I then stayed up way to late watching videos on you tube, and reading. Bella came over this morning, but luckily she slept late with me. Miss Universe has to work today so we, Bella and I, are going to pick Mon up and take her to a doctors appointment. Speaking of doctors.
When Miss Universe went to the hospital a couple of weeks ago they diagnosed her as having had another stroke. She is only 33 so they began looking for the cause of these strokes. We went to Garden City last week for her MRI, did some shopping, and ate at a really good Mexican restaurant. The results of her test showed that she hasn't had any strokes. She has Multiple Sclerosis. I'm sure people aren't usually cheered up by this diagnosis, but we were. This future seems brighter than a future filled with several small strokes while waiting for the big one to hit. I have friends with family members in that position and it is a hard life. Our family mood has brightened. Last night she brought over the disc with her test on it we gathered around to looked at it.Since none of us now how to read an MRI we just laughed at how alien a brain filled skull can look from different angles. We are easily entertained.

Sunday, September 28, 2008

Lazy day

I have the warm comfortable feeling that a couple of glasses of wine after a long, lazy day can offer. I was leaving work this morning and heading out of Elk when I remembered something that Jason had mentioned the day before. He had been craving pizza. Being in a good mood I decided to pull into Pizza Hut and grab him a pizza for lunch. It was going to be fifteen minutes so I walked out to the pick-up for a book. As I was opening the door I looked over at the golf course and realized what I really wanted to do was to go for a walk.
I've not been on many courses, but I have to say I have always thought this one was lovely. The sunshine was warm but there was still a cool morning breeze blowing. The butterflies and moths, of so many different colors, were fluttering around in what I am going to describe as a mating dance even though I have no idea if they mate at this time of the year. I steered clear of the few golfers that were out. Tramping through the rough I studiously watched for rattlesnakes and stirred up more than a few flights of birds. Often I think that golf courses are wasted on golfers. How can you get stressed about hitting a ball with all of this beauty around you? Someday I think I may take up golf, but never seriously. The only games I take seriously are tetris and minesweeper.
I didn't follow any paths, but made my way to the pond. At some spots the water was clear and I could see the moss waving in the currents and small fish darting about. In other parts the pond scum blocked my view but held a green, foamy beauty of its own. The fish were jumping enough to provide me with just the right amount of company. After I had circled the pond I figured it surely had been fifteen minutes so I walked back towards the pizza.

Miss Universe brought Bella over right after I got home. She was heading to work. Bella took a nap, so I took one too. after that I started three different movies but I just couldn't commit to any of them. I decided to watch the presidential debates instead. (recorded) After that I was getting restless so I went in and started cleaning the kitchen;it needed it. Bella decided she wanted me to jump on the trampoline with her. Well the dishes hadn't been more important than laying around all day so they could wait longer. After jumping until dark I did finally do a bit of cleaning.

Bella and I then went to Anna's for a glass of wine. We hadn't been there very long when Anna started an ear candle in her husband's ear. This scared Bella and she wanted to go home. She had tears in her eyes and kept whispering,'i want to go home.' I read her a book to distract her until the candle was finished and we stayed for another hour or two. We talked about movies, actors, and tv shows. It was very relaxing. We should probably go to bed now but, these types of days should last as long as possible.

Friday, September 19, 2008

I have been working as a trainer in our local office for the last two days. It is nice to be able to walk to work again and to come home on my lunch hour. Using my lunch hour to do dishes and run errands is not the same as reading, but shit is getting done.
Yet Lee is irritated with me because I keep forgetting to transfer money so he can buy clothing online. A bit naively I at one time thought that by having boys I would save time and money on clothing. Then the world shifted. Boys now spend as much time thinking about outfits as girls do. They buy expensive clothes, pick out belts, and own more shoes than I do. I remember back to when I rebelled against society by dressing much like a boy. I picked up Levis off of the floor pulled them on, covered my torso in a simple wrinkled t-shirt, then shoved on a denim jacket. Now I wouldn't have the time or energy to dress like a boy;it is much easier to just wear a sundress.

My dinner party went very well. The chicken was delicious. The recipe was simple mix mayo with apricot jam, add seasoning, marinate and bake. I baked a chocolate cake and covered it with a thin layer of Nutella;it was the perfect end to our meal. We drank a Blackstone Merlot and a Blackstone Pinot noir while we laughed over a bit of everything. It was lovely.

Tuesday, September 16, 2008

The last few days

A diagonal line will never be as attractive as it is on my work schedule. A diagonal line through a day denotes a day off. Today is a diagonal line. Last night I stayed up late again reading so I slept until 10:00 this morning. That is a lovely feeling. My body has told me many times over the years that the ideal time to sleep is from 2:00 to 10:00 in the a.m. If I had my way I would never argue with that logic.

The book I finished last night was The Time Traveler's Wife. It is the best fiction book I have read this year. After I finished reading the story I went ahead and answered all of the book club questions in the back before putting it down. Still not able to put the story away I went out and watched part of a hooters beauty pageant with dh just so I could find somebody to talk to about it. He was kind enough to feign interest while I talked as long as he didn't have to turn the channel. Then I took a few minutes to point which breasts I thought were real before going to bed.

Full of domestic energy today I have already seared a roast, de-glazed the pan with a Merlot, added it all to the crock pot with potatoes, onions, and carrots, made a pie crust, and invited Anna and her family over for supper tomorrow night. The roast and apple pie are for supper tonight. My mom gave me a large bag of apples and promised to buy the vanilla ice cream if I bake the pie. Tomorrow I am going to try out a chicken recipe, which I found at chicklit, and serve it with french bread and couscous.

Saturday night my neighbors through a party and didn't invite us. They are new to town and just invited the few friends who moved from Missouri with them and a mutual friend of ours. He was supposed to invite as many people as he could to make a party of it. Anna asked if I had been invited. She wasn't invited either so we joked about calling the police about the noise. We carried our beers to the computer and started watching Eddie Izzard on youtube. Some friends of ours came over and insisted we go to the party. She went right over while I went home and cooked supper for my family. Side note: if you are going to chop garlic and onion after a few beers be careful. Later dh and I went over and made joke about not being invited. It was a good night. I wound up in bed at four in the morning. Luckily my family never complains when the family breakfast doesn't start until noon.

Thursday, September 11, 2008

Miss Universe

Miss Universe had a very tiny stroke yesterday. She is in the hospital while the doctors try to find out the cause of this stroke which happens to be the second tiny one she has had this year. It hit home that I have been taking the election a little too seriously the last few weeks. I was angry for people who appear to be deciding their candidate based on personality, race, or gender. Watching the news yesterday evening I was beginning to feel downright depressed by the people I was listening to. Could Clinton backers really switch to the McCain/Palin ticket just because she is female, or even worse, because they are angry? As a country we need to free ourselves from the bone crushing grip the fundies have on us. If not the freedoms we have enjoyed could become a permanent idea of the past. We really need to pull together not bicker over things that we can work out later. I was thinking thoughts like these when the phone rang. Actually I had just thought that I would never encourage anyone to go to another church again, not while pseudo Christians were preying on vulnerabilities of others to get votes, when the phone rang.
It was Rolando asking if I could watch his kids for the night while he stayed with Miss Universe at the hospital. This was real. This was the fear and anger that I had been faking earlier. The whole country could come crashing down and as long as I had my family safe and healthy around me things would be o.k. I hung up the phone and said a prayer for my sister. In the middle of the prayer I wondered if I should now apologize for my earlier thought. Afterwards I decided that my thought was still valid since it is organized religion that I despise, not God himself.
Miss Universe has not been herself lately. Instead of jumping up and down, being loud and boisterous, she has seemed tired and unwell. She is the girl who will walk into a room and randomly start dancing a jig while dressed in scrubs just because she knows we will laugh. She is a 'How the hell are you? Have a beer.' kind of girl. She is the warm, funny, loud kind of sister that balances out my cold heart. I love her so much and can't stand the thought of her being sick.

Wednesday, September 10, 2008

My head almost exploded

My patience was put to the test at work today. First let me give a bit of background. I work with two conservative ladies. One who is not so much of a conservative herself but she listens to a lot of them. Earlier this year she made a comment about the Clinton's spending government money. I responded calmly that they were probably no worse than any other politicians. The next day I was greeted by a printed e-mail explaining that the Clinton's were evil personified. That night it took about five minutes on the Internet to debunk every charge in the paper. I was then left with the choice of letting it go and having a bit of peace at work or being right. I chose peace. I wasn't at work yesterday so I missed her telling everybody that Palin's baby really belonged to her daughter. When she goes against code like this I smile. This is the reason I don't think she is strictly a conservative she just believes everything she hears.
My boss on the other hand is ultra-conservative. Unless it would mean criticizing somebody she likes. Having babies out of wedlock is horrible, unless you are somebody she likes. Divorce is bad unless you are her daughter, then it was necessary. She is not a bad person, it is just that her mind has a tight spring that keeps it from opening. If she likes you she will bend over backwards for you. She has always been extremely nice to me. If you make her mad though she will spend an amazing amount of energy trying to prove her point. Once you have made that mistake it is almost impossible to do anything right in her eyes, you have left yourself open to be killed by nitpicking. Still her anger has a very passive-aggressive feel. She will be polite to your face and then attack when you back is turned. The girl who I replaced had her hours severly cut, while nothing was said to her face.
I don't say all of this just to trash her but to explain why I keep my mouth shut when politics come up at work. It is a survival skill.
This morning she mentioned that Palin is on several magazine covers and they need to leave the poor lady alone. I didn't point out how many of the covers she seemed to have posed for, or the fact that she is auditioning to be next inline to the presidency. I left the bait untouched. She then told me about the swat team they have released into Alaska to find something to hold against her. I was afraid my silence would be noticed so I did respond that both sides did that. "It hasn't ever been this bad." She said with authority. "They went a little crazy against Clinton." I pointed out. To lighten the mood I made a joke about them finding something under the podium. "Well we don't seem to have to look as hard or make things up against the other side." She said. I tried to keep my face even as headlines about Rev. Wright or Barrack being a Muslim flashed through my head. She then added, "That's what Rush says." My mind was to busy trying to list all of the things wrong with this statement to hear the rest of what she said.
First of all 'Rush'! She said it casually as if they had just had lunch together the day before. He really should never be called by name unless you used only his last name and filled your voice with as much scorn as it could hold. I knew I could not mention my rule to her. It is simple once you mention or quote {scorn/]Limbaugh[/scorn] everything you say is written off, as you have just proven yourself as clueless and lazy. This is the lady who makes my schedule and decides if I can take off for my children's ballgames and award ceremonies. So I tried and tried to pull the voice of Russell into my head. 'I know the U.S. to be a' Then I would lose it. I tried again and again to pull the quote up, but the ignorance surrounding me bogged it down. Finally I did manage to hear "In England we wouldn't trust George W. Bush with a pair of scissors." At first it was faint then it repeated louder, and then again louder. It did save me. My head did not explode.

Tuesday, September 09, 2008

Thank you MTV

I rarely watch awards shows, tuning in only when I am in love with the host. By these guidelines I had to watch the VMA's. While Russell was not on his very best form I still laughed like Palin at a book burning. It was disappointing to see how few of the audience members got him, but not all of these are our best and brightest. In the aftermath I am finding the double standard irritating. Nobody got mad because he made fun of Madonna's sexuality, but make fun of purity and that is horrible. If you want to be famous your choices will be the fodder for comedians,that is a given. Why is purity and denial a more noble choice than embracing your sexual nature? Both are decisions and we should be teased for them equally.
Looking back I should have just watched the recording the next day. That way I could have fast forwarded any part that didn't have Russell Brand or Pink in them. Thankfully I didn't have the advantage of hindsight. Dh was watching throwball on our tv that night, so Lee called Miss Universe to see if he could watch the awards with them and I decided to go along. Unfortunately M.U. got called in to work so it was Ronaldo and his kids and me and Lee. We still had a great time making fun of everybody who took the stage. There was an interesting split in the group because Lee and I love R.B. and Rolando and his kids hadn't really heard of him. A few minutes into the show Rolando mentioned that this guy looked a lot like the guy in Forgetting Sarah Marshal. Not having heard of him didn't seem to hurt their enjoyment. They still laughed at his jokes, but were a little shocked by his forwardness.
It was a fun night. The hidden gift for me, which I will always be grateful to Russell for, was realized the next day at work. I had to hear the usual round of stupid political comments that were stolen straight from conservative talk shows. For once instead of a steady feeling of disgust rising in my body I felt the giggles coming on. In my head I heard a voice say "But I know America to be a forward-thinking country because otherwise why would you have let that retard and cowboy fella be President for eight years?" I hope this voice helps me through the next 56 days, because I'm going to need it.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

My boss has been on vacation so days off have been nonexistent. I was supposed to work today but Tiki needed tomorrow off and offered a trade, so now my day off coincides with my birthday. My body decided that today would be a nice day to troll for vampires. How is that for a busy day? The nice thing about the school year is that when I have a day off I get the house to myself, except for Bella who needed a sitter today. I had a list of things I was going to get done on my next day off, but so far I've not done a thing. Bella slept until ten so I drank several cups of tea and read an issue of RollingStone cover to cover. Well of course I skipped the Tony Stewart article;he is a classic douche nozzle.
I caught up on this week's Daily Show episodes while eating more than one piece of tiramisu. The cake was my birthday present to myself. I made it last night and opened it a day early. Luckily I had made an extremely large cake so there was plenty left for today.
The other day I saw something that just cracked me up. Somebody mailed a small package to a person in Elk. They had wrote on the outside of the package that a dvd was enclosed that was rated R for nudity and violence. The p.s. read "However, I am mailing this into God's country so it may not make it."
Since school started I haven't really seen much of Jason or Lane. They have football practice, friends, homework, and girls to keep them away from me. Lee and I are usually alone for an hour or two every weeknight. Some nights we cook supper together. Tuesday night he made some fantastic fried onion and ham sandwiches while I made a red wine and asiago risotto. It was great and he is really comfortable to be in the kitchen with. I am starting to dread the day he decides to grow up and move out.

Tuesday, August 12, 2008


I have spent a good portion of the the summer traveling. Not to exotic places, just been putting on miles in the Midwest. At the end of June I agreed to be the responsible adult who took three kids to the Warped Tour in Denver. That was a fun trip. Jason, Lee, their friend Kip, and I set off at ten-thirty Saturday morning. I had to work at least a few hours on Saturday. We laughed all the way to Denver. I am trying to think of some of the things that were so funny, but for one reason or another none of them would be good things to write here. At one point we devised a contest in which the winner would be the one who caused the most emo kids to commit suicide that weekend. How can I write that and admit we were so irreverent? Many times Jason would say that he had to go to the bathroom and ask if Kip would like to come help. Kip would always jump up and agree to follow him to the bathroom. I write this I have to put it into context and explain that Kip is openly gay;something that would have been unheard of in our small Midwest high when I was attending. Jason is the epitome of the high school jock. Yet the two of them are great friends. Lee fits somewhere in the middle of these two. Kip has dedicated the song 'Your So Gay' to Lee. The two of them took a college class this summer under a teacher who was a fundamentalist. She knew that one of the two boys was gay but was never sure which one. Kip said that he hoped she would declare that it was Lee so he could jump up and say "Ha! I fooled you!" I asked Lee if the fact that she wasn't sure bothered him at all. He stood there in his skinny jeans and tight tee and said "no" in a tone that made it clear that it had never occurred to him to take it as a negative.
It took us an hour to find our hotel room because 18th street in Denver is place out of Harry Potter and it kept disappearing. We walked the 16th street mall That afternoon. Then we went and ate at one of the best Indian restaurants. Later when Lee wakes up I will ask him the name. He is the one who did the research and picked out which Indian restaurant we would eat at. It was never any question about the type of food. We don't live near any Indian restaurants so we try to force everyone to try one when we get out of town. Kip said the only ethnic food they eat at home is Americanized enchiladas and admitted to being a picky eater. We made him go anyway. I think he liked it. He didn't complain. At midnight we walked the mall again, well three of us did, Lee stayed in the room and went to bed. There are not many things more entertaining than drunks spilling out of bars and causing fights, unless it is drunken ladies staggering around on high heels.
Early the next morning we went to stand in line. If you are a band that is just starting out and need to sell a few cd's find Lee. He won't say no. I lost count of how many he bought. I walked all over the neighborhood trying to find sunblock. It was too early on a Sunday morning for the stores to open. So I walked back and stood in line. Then at ten-thirty I went back. I couldn't find a store that sold any, which I thought was very odd. So I walked back. We were one of the first people to get in so I quickly bought some at a booth. The tour itself was fun, but I enjoyed just roaming the city better. My biggest suggestion to this type of a tour is a venue with more grass and shade. Lee was in his element. He met the members of his favorite bands, got to experience a pit, and meet countless liberal women. I only mention the last part because that is one of his complaints about the area we live in;he is surrounded by conservatives.

A few days before the Denver trip we made a trip to Wichita to pick up my girls. They spent the month of July with us. I kept planning on taking them on a little vacation either to the volcano in New Mexico or to Bishop's Castle in Colorado, but we never did have time to go. Lane's all star team made it to state so we went to Columbus Ks. instead. One night we did drive into Joplin to eat, so they at least made it out of the state. Princess, while being very princess like in some ways, is not a dainty girl. She insisted on fighting the whole time we were gone. More than one boy got the crap kicked out of him by a girl that weekend.

At the start of August we had to take them home. Miss Universe decided she wanted to go also so we loaded up all of the kids but Jason and went shopping. We did most of our school clothes shopping while we were there. I hate shopping for clothes and was glad to have that out of the way. Lane's phone fell in slushy while we were driving. I swear these kids cost me way too much money. We did make one stop I was happy with. We went to get ice cream. I love Stone Cold Creamery. My usual choice is peanut butter blended with Mocha and pecans mixed in. It didn't disappoint. While we were eating it Lee and I walked over to the tea shop and picked up some loose leaf tea.

Last weekend Jason went to Amarillo with Miss Universe to do his shopping. I was glad to not have to go on another shopping trip.

Tuesday, July 22, 2008

personality test

Click to view my Personality Profile page

I always hate taking these things because usually both answers seem right. I feel I can be two different people depending on my mood. This makes me shocked when I agree with the profile at the end of the test. I always wonder if I would equally agree if the opposite profile would have been given.

Me complaining

Over the years The fourth of July has become a reflective holiday for me. I have always loved to sit and watch the fireworks and let my mind wander. It used to be a sort of happy introspection. For the last several years it has been a melancholy introspection.
For the most part my life is great. I love being me. My marriage though has not been all that great for years now. The fourth of July has become the time for me to reflect on weather my general happiness has been affected enough tip the scales. This year I am beginning to see a drop.
What I am weighing is the amount of dissatisfaction I have, against my need to raise my boys in the manner they have become accustom. I grew up in a poor and unstable environment. Like every parent I want my children to have more than I did. For the most part we live below our means. We don't have a fancy house or car. I don't spend much on clothing for myself. I just want them to get up every morning and not wonder who is still a part of their household. I want for them to never go to bed wondering how much longer they will have a roof over their head and food on the table. I want to be able to help them pay for college. At one point I thought that my new job would pay enough to accomplish this. This last month my hours have been cut so much I'm not really sure this is possible. So for one more year I have pushed the scales back to even.
Since I am using this space to complain today I will also mention that even though my hours have been cut it has been giving me no more time to spend at home. My lunches have went from one to three hours. If I worked closer to home I would love this arrangement. It just seems like a waste of time and gas to drive 17 miles home and back, so I hang out in Elk for my long lunches.
I will end my pity party here.

Saturday, July 05, 2008

We the people are screwed

"New Forest Service rules could let largest private landowner to convert hundreds of thousands of acres of mountain forestland to residential subdivisions."

Are we going to overturn every good thing our country has done in its short history? The Bush Ad. is sure going to give it a try.

"the Bush administration is preparing to ease the way for the nation's largest private landowner to convert hundreds of thousands of acres of mountain forestland to residential subdivisions."

I really thought we were trying to curb urban sprawl. My contempt for the U.S. government and large corporations is spreading to a few private citizens also.

"The former timber lobbyist who oversees the U.S. Forest Service" This phrase sums up so much of what is wrong with our country. I wonder how many of our politicians are making money off of this deal? Our grandchildren may never see this land as it should be. The bear and other forest dwellers may never have grandchildren. I hope all of the douche bags who profited enjoy spending the cash.

Tuesday, May 20, 2008

weekends are hard work

Graduation weekend kicked my ass. Friday night I cooked mass proportions of Potato salad, challah bread, and baked beans. The challah doesn't have any religious significance to my family it is just one of the most delicious breads I've ever tasted. After work on Saturday I picked up a few things we still needed;beer included since dh and friends started cooking the meat at eight in the morning and had already worked their way through most of our stock. I baked cookies for the eighth grade dance, made iced tea, and then went out to enjoy the food and company. Jason graduated from eighth grade so we were having a bbq for all of his classmates and their families. Luckily he only has ten kids in his class. At graduation that night he gave the valedictorian speech. He was noticeably nervous. Afterwards he told me his mouth went dry and he kept tripping over his tongue. Despite all of that he did a great job and I was a proud parent.
Once it was all over with we went home and sat around our yard with several of our friends until three in the morning. We drank and ate as much of the leftovers as we could manage. Tiki and son drove over and went to graduation with us. On Monday at work she said she doesn't think she has ever laughed so hard in her life. We are a silly group when we all get together. Around two people started peeling away to call it a night. Lee and Jason came out and sat with Fria Chica, her bf Matt, Tiki, and me until it just got too cold to stay outside any longer.
Sunday I woke up early, but knew better than to get out of bed. I made myself go back to sleep and slept until one in the afternoon. I made it out of bed in time to watch an episode of Robin Hood with my family. Then it was time to get dressed for the high school graduation ceremony. I would have loved to skip this, but I didn't think it would be very nice. I am on the school board and two of my good friends had daughters who were graduating. It was a nice ceremony. They had made a few changes that cut at least an hour, which is great. Afterwards we had to make our rounds to all of the receptions and parties for the graduates. The last one we went to was next door. My last boss's ex-husband was there and drunk. He followed me around,believe me I was trying to shake him, and told me about the problems he had been having both pre- and post divorce. While I agree his ex is a bitch I just wasn't mood to talk about it all night. Finally I just came home and went to bed.
My biggest regret is that I was at graduation when Fria chica and pookie moved to O.k. city so I didn't get to say good-bye. I miss them both already. Who is going to clean my house now that she is gone? Most certainly not me.
For the third year in a row I refused to sit on the stage with the rest of the school board. I also could have handed Jason his diploma. Lee and I opted out of this perk two years ago and this year Jason and I opted out too. I have other members tell me this is their favorite part of being on the board. That is great for them but I have no desire to do that. I am perfectly happy sitting in the crowd with my family and cheering instead of sitting business like on the stage. I also can't imagine watching my boys give a speech from behind. I want to see their faces.
By Monday I was so tired I yawned most of the day. I couldn't wait to get home and have a nap. Of course the nap never happened. By the time I finished watering the garden and doing laundry it was almost bed time. Since today is just a field trip day and dh was at a softball game we decided to brew a pot of blueberry rooibos and watch No Country For Old Men. After that movie I had a bit of trouble getting to sleep.
Lee has learned my weakness and has been exploiting it lately. Thursday was awards night for the high school. I had babysat Bella and Pookie in the morning and went to the grade school awards ceremony and jr. high ceremony before rushing to work for a couple of hours. By that evening I was tired and wanted to relax, but was all set to go. We had time to watch a movie before we left. After it was over Lee started working on me. He thought it would be nice if we brewed a pot of tea and watched Darjeeling limited instead of going to awards night. I needed to go as a board member. He needed to be there to accept his awards. These were my arguments. I was adamant. I really enjoyed Darjeeling Limited and recommend the movie to others. I feel a little bit guilty about not going, but I'll get over it.

Wednesday, May 14, 2008

Don't explain your jokes

Part of my Christmas present from dh and the boys was a few books. Since I have a large to-be-read stack I didn't get to them right away. I'm going to pause here to say that as I was typing that last sentence my fingers hit something sharp and odd feeling. I looked down and noticed the keyboard was littered with Lee's fingernail clippings. Disgusting. Back to the post. Last month I read one of the books they had given me. It was Three Cups Of Tea, which I loved. The other night I was in the mood to lay in bed for a few hours and fall into a good story. One of the other books they had given me was The Sign Of The Cross.
I was a little worried when one of the blurbs said something like 'The Da Vinci Code on steroids'. I did read The Da Vinci Code. The writing wasn't excellent but the story was engaging and the characters were good. The movie was better. Since I am not a book snob I will read almost any genre and can find good points in most books. So I shrugged and started the book. The story is compelling and the characters, while stereotypical, are developed. The writing kept jerking me out of the story though and that is one thing that drives me crazy. Kuzneski started sentences with anyway enough to remind me that he was telling me a story. Then he kept explaining his jokes. If you have to explain a joke you didn't do a good job of telling it, or you don't trust your audience to be intelligent enough to get it. For instance, at one point they are in a crypt and when asked what she sees a girl responds 'I see dead people'. I laughed. In the next sentence the author points out that this is a reference to The Sixth Sense. I cringed.
The next day I wast talking to Fria Chica about the book. I couldn't figure out how the same people who picked out Three Cups of Tea had picked out this book. Later when Lee noticed the book beside my bed he pointed at it and said. "Dad picked out that book. I picked out Three Cups Of Tea, which did you like best?." Mystery solved.

Friday, May 02, 2008

Why did I wait so long?

Last night I was drinking a glass of merlot from the Blackstone winery. I have been looking for a red wine I liked well enough to drink a glass of every night. Finally I have found it. It is just what I have been looking for. It had a strong amount of tannins so I insisted Lee have a taste so he could understand exactly what tannin was. He agreed it was a very good wine. After he had shut off the x-box and left my room I remembered one of my favorite conversations from our trip. I wasn't even there for it, but Godiva told me about it later. While we were at the water park Godiva and Raul took Lee and their two little girls to a Lobster feast. While they were ordering Lee was helping them decide what to drink. Their waiter asked how old Lee was and was shocked to hear that he was only 16. He said he was impressed with his knowledge of wines and said Lee was going to be a hit with the women. What makes me laugh about that story is that I have an extremely limited amount of wine knowledge. I am trying to learn, and am looking for a good tutor if there are any volunteers, but there is so much that I still don't understand. Lee has better palate than I do so I shouldn't be surprised. He will pass me soon in both wine and food, of course passing me is setting the bar very low.
While I was drinking the wine I was reading Good Omens. This is one of those books that I put down after I finished it and said out loud(this habit is one, not the only one, that makes people think I'm more than a little crazy) "Why haven't I read this before?" Good Omens is a book that has been on my to-read list for years. How could it not be since I loved American Gods, and every Discworld book I have read. I just haven't gotten around to it until now. It was published around the same time I hit my getting married-having children-running a daycare-phase started. Subsequently I quit having much time to read. Adult books were traded for magazines and children's books. When I did start reading whole books again the list had grown so long and varied that I will never read every book that I know I will just love if I ever get to it. I am glad I finally read Good Omens. If you haven't turn off your computer and run find a copy, you won't like the secrets Agnes Nutter will reveal about you if you don't.

Sunday, April 13, 2008


Every year we get invited to the prom banquet, one of the school board perks, and every year we go for the free food. Some years I really try to dress nice;bit of a chore for a slob like me. This year it fell on the same night as Lane's party. Since I still had to decorate Lane's cake, make supper for the boys and Fria Chica and her boyfriend, who were supervising the party while we were out, trim and straighten Lee's hair, iron Lee's shirt, apply his eyeliner, and dress myself when I got off work at 2:00p.m. I did a poor job of dressing this year. Walking in to the banquet I thought I would feel shabby next to all of the people who had spent the day grooming themselves. I didn't feel that way at all, I felt very comfortable and relaxed. It was nice to have somebody serve me after all of the running I had done all day. It was a nice evening. Afterwards we came home and played cards with Fria chica and her man, who I may have think of a blog name for eventually. I'll wait for now, because we all know how unpredictable mating can be.
Lee is a sophomore so he was serving this year. Thankfully, for him, he didn't serve our table though. A girl in his class, who we have known for most of her life, served us. Dh kept remarking on her her hair and make-up. She has always been a tomboy. She played rec. football two of the years that dh coached. He couldn't believe she was the same girl. Sometimes I believe the complexities of girls amaze men. I was just amazed that all of these kids, who used to have water fights in my front yard, looked so grown up. I sound like a broken record because I say at least twice a day that I just can't believe my babies are all growing up so fast.

Rock band party

In my house the most peaceful time of the year is the morning after Lane's sleepover. The house has the same calm that I imagine a small island does the morning after a hurricane. As I carried my mug of tea around the house collecting cups of pop, apparently the allure of pop is in the pouring not the drinking, I smile quietly at the boys sleeping on the sofa. Some are only half on the sofa, their legs are hanging over the edge, feet touching the floor. Some are still sitting up, their open mouths dripping drool onto their shirts. One boy still has a drumstick in his hand.
Last month, for his birthday, I gave Jason Rockband. Lane is so happy with this new addition that he couldn't think of a thing he wants for his birthday. His cake was a life size replica of the drums and guitar. They rocked all night long. At five-thirty this morning I could still hear the tapping of the drums in my room. Like true rock stars they had all crashed by eight-thirty, which is when I got out of bed.
Video games have never had much appeal for me. I grew up in the eighties, hanging out in game rooms and bowling alleys like everyone else. I just was never any good at them. Standing in line with my quarter, watching somebody play one game of Mario brothers for what seemed like hours, until my turn would come and go withing five minutes. It seemed like a waste of a quarter to me. Later as people started getting Nintendos in their homes I sometimes would outlast the other kids and practice all night at getting through the first three levels while they slept. Still I never was good at them. As an adult several different gaming systems have came and went through my house. I like to sit and watch the boys play some of the games. I can watch hours of Prince of Persia. some I have played a bit, Columns and Tetris are the ones I've like best, but I never have spent much time playing. Now with Rockband, I still suck, but here is a game I enjoy playing badly. It still isn't something I do when alone, but if one or two of my sisters comes over we neglect their young ones and play.

Wednesday, April 09, 2008


I can't believe I went all of March without posting. The week before I went on vacation all I did was work. My boss's daughter was in the hospital so I worked for her while she took time off. To fulfill an unwritten rule of the universe things just seemed to keep popping up that had to be dealt with before we left.
Leading up to our trip I was a bit apprehensive about the whole thing. There were several factors contributing to my fear. They were destination, travel partners, and crowds. We had decided to go to Orlando. The only reason I had agreed to vacation there was because I had promised Curly Top I would take her to Disney world. Before I made any definite plans I called Drama Queen twice to make sure the girls would be able to go. Since she didn't see any problems I went ahead and paid for 1/3 of the house. Then when it was time to buy airline tickets she decided she didn't want to go and that she didn't want the girls to be that far away from her. I hung up the phone and cursed for at least five minutes straight. We were all angry, but there wasn't anything we could do, so we just got over it.
I am not trying to dis Florida, it is just that Orlando seems to be totally geared towards theme parks and shopping. Those are two things I tire of quickly. There are many places in Florida I would like to go spend a week at, Orlando just wasn't one of them. When I was seventeen we took our senior trip to Orlando. The only two things that screamed 'come back' to me were the beach and Typhoon Lagoon. I would have much rather stayed closer to the ocean and drove in one day for the water park.
Our group consisted of three families. Miss Universe (my sister), her husband Rolando and their three children, Mon(12), Eddie(10), and Bella(2.5 who used to be known as Huggy Bear, but since she is growing older she deserves a proper name) were one family. Godiva and her husband Raul, who is Rolando's brother, and their three girls who are 7,3,&2 years old were next. Then there was myself, dh, and our three boys, Lee(16), Jason(14), and Lane (12). If you happened to be in a airport last month and noticed a loud, but cheerful, mid western group that seem to be collecting children, that was us.
We have traveled with Miss Universe and Rolando several times over the years. They have dated since they were Sophomores in High school, which was my senior year, so Rolando really is part of the family. Of all of our travel partners they are my favorite. Sure sometimes their kids get on my nerves,as I'm sure mine do hers, but that is part of being a family. We have more fun with them than we do anyone else. A big part of that is the amount of years we have spent together. One word can send us all into giggles because we were all there when so many funny stories were taking place, before they became family legend. I was looking forward to spending time with them.
Godiva I have mentioned before. She has some glaring quirks that make her a hard person to be friends with. This is not just my observation, she really has managed to make people in two counties want to avoid her. I have never been timid about befriending her though. One because we are almost family, so I better at least try, and two because I know my limits. Even under the best of circumstances I tire of people. When traveling with just my immediate family I know that after a few days I will need some time alone. Because of this personality flaw of my own I know better than to get sucked into spending all of my time with one person, making their life integral with mine. Godiva is the type that sucks her friends in to her life spending more hours a day with them than apart. She does that until she has sucked all of the energy from them and they are no longer strong enough to be her friends. I know that sounds harsh, but I swear it is no exaggeration. The thought of spending over a week straight with her had me a bit nervous.
Her children, I do love and enjoy being around, it is just a lot of work to have kids that little to care for. I was afraid thought that either Lee, or Jason, or I would be stuck babysitting. That was one thing we did not want to do on our vacation. Godiva's parenting skills can be described as lax. Her mother ran into me while we were Christmas shopping one day and mentioned that she and her husband were worried that the house we were renting had a pool. They were both concerned that Godiva didn't watch the girls close enough to be around a pool 24 hours a day. They were glad I was going to be there to help. Inside my head I screamed. This was supposed to be a vacation.
The last worry I had was the amount of theme parks everybody wanted to go to. Standing in line for hours, and trying not to lose anyone in the crowds did not have the promise of fun to me.
The last worry had the easiest solution. The five of us sat down and discussed what we really wanted to get out of this vacation. Lane wanted to ride roller coasters. We picked Universal and U.I.A. for that. We did want to go see Epcot. We all agreed on a water park, so Typhoon Lagoon was in. So while the rest of the group went to go to the other four parks we found different things to do. We went deep sea fishing. Where I had the opportunity to throw up in the Atlantic ocean. Since none of my children inherited my loathe of shopping we went to few outlet malls. We found an Indian restaurant to eat in, where dh finally admitted that he did like Indian food. Our waiter was great and helped him to choose something he would like.
This previous solution was also a solution to the Godiva problem. Since we didn't do all of the parks that they did most days we only spent the mornings and evenings together. It was the perfect mix, I really enjoyed her and her children when we were together. With so many people around the house it didn't feel like we were watching her kids too much. We did get them food now and again, and we kept them out of the pool, but it never seemed like too much.
As far as the destination went I enjoyed Orlando. It still seems like the most commercial place I have ever been. I tired of all of the gift stores, traffic, and every tourist gimmick known, but we had fun. We went to the beach one day, all fifteen of us together, and it was voted by all to be the favorite day. The day we went fishing gave us something unclaimed to look at. The ocean was restful to our eyes after all of the billboards and flashing light. By the last day, which is the day we went to Typhoon Lagoon, we were tired of theme parks. Lee chose not to go and went shopping with Godiva instead. We gave his ticket to Godiva's seven year old and took her with us. She got to ride water rides, which for her was better than shopping, and Lee came home with henna tattoos and a story about how a tiny old lady tried to sell him Salvia at the flea market.
Dh was wore out by the last day. he had not heeded my warning about taking up walking the month before we went. He was out of shape, and had sunburned the top of his feet at the beach. After having walked on them for for a full day at Epcot, the day after he had burned them, he just wanted to sit down. I found him a chair in the shade, bought him a refillable mug for pop, and left him reading his book. He moved only once that day to go to the restroom, and he tried to get me to find a way to do that for him too. If you knew dh you would be shocked by the fact that he was reading a book. It was only the third book he has read in his adult life. He is more of a t.v. and newspaper guy. We had found a super cheap book store the day we were shopping though so we had loaded up and never wanting to be left out he bought a book too. We paired the kids up and told them to go ride the rides. I spent time with Miss Universe watching Bella and reading, floating along the canal, and swimming in the wave pool. It was a relaxing day, even though it was crowded.
None of my fears came to pass. Our vacation was great. I found much of my time among the crowds picking out accents and trying to place them, I then eavesdropped to find out if I was right or not. I didn't tire of anybody on the trip, Some of them may have tired of me, but that is for them to write about.

Thursday, February 28, 2008

Wine, food, and Jane Austin

On my way home from work yesterday I stopped by the deli and picked up some black forest ham and a couple of different cheeses. On Monday I had baked some Sally Lunn bread and had a loaf left over. The sweet flavor of the bread was screaming to be made into a ham sandwich. It had its way. Fria Chica came over and we called our mom to pick up a couple of bottles of my favorite white wine on her way home from work. By the time the six hour Pride and Prejudice was over we had finished off the food and wine. My mom had left after hour four and only a couple of glasses; she had to work today. It was almost two in the morning when I drove Fria Chica home. Two bottles may sound like a lot but stretched over that long of a time period it didn't feel like overindulging.
Fria Chica is nine years younger than I am. That is why it is odd that of all of my sisters she is most like me. Not only does she look like me she shares my love of Jane Austin, Possession, and Lord of The Rings. Miss Universe stopped by to pick up some creamer last night while I was making the sandwiches. She was standing by the butcher block eating cucumbers and tomatoes while I sliced them. When I grabbed the loaf of bread and started slicing it she asked, with genuine concern, if I was out of normal bread, by this she meant store-bought bread. I laughed and answered that we had plenty of bread I just wanted to use this loaf. She shrugged and said that she only asked because it looked like I was using scraps. I truly have the best family. I know it sounds corny but sometimes I look around at the people surrounding me, my siblings, my mom, and my children, and realize I am one of the luckiest people in the world.
My emotions ran a wide gauntlet yesterday. All morning at work I felt like I was fighting back tears. At the church next door there was a funeral being held for a three year old little boy. I only knew the mom in passing, but my heart was broke for her, it had been broke since the little boy had died. He had went in for a basic tonsillectomy and for some reason didn't live through it. As the funeral was ending a lady came into our office and was outraged that the cars for the funeral had taken up all of the parking spots in front of our building. Jean, my boss, and I were in shock. In comparison to what the family was suffering her having to walk an extra few feet didn't seem like much of a problem.People are funny, so is life. It seems odd for me to be rejoicing about my family while this other family was in so much pain, but that too is life.

Friday, February 22, 2008

Spam & Trainspotting

Before coming here to post today I ran through my e-mail rather quickly. I can't bring myself to empty my junk folder without scanning its contents. You know, just in case someone I want to hear from accidentally fell in. In further proof of my craziness I will admit that I talk back to the e-mails as I scan. Since no one is here to hear me I was very loud. "Really Nick, you believe in me?" and "Hollywood has switched to green tea? Well this Earl Grey I'm drinking can fuck off! It's all green for me now."
It does bother me that I can clearly see a relationship between what I have searched for in the past month and what spam I get. I have searched 'tea' lately. I haven't searched 'Nick' though, so I don't know why the fuck he thinks I care if he believes in me. It has been a while but I did search 'Christianity' a few times when I was looking at the difference between denominations. Therefore, I completely understand why I get messages about single Christians in my town. Of course only about four hundred people live in my town, so I think I know all of the single Christians, and am not interested. Give me a single heathen any day.

I have also learned something interesting about my family's behavior this month. For years I have wanted to watch Trainspotting. It is one of those movies that even though I had always planned to watch it, the opportunity never presented itself. About two weeks ago I noticed it was on t.v. so I recorded it. It has been sitting on the list since then unwatched. When asked what it was I just said it was a movie I had been meaning to watch for years. Nobody else touched it after that. I'm sure that if I would have said it was a risky movie I didn't think they should watch they would have watched it the second they got a chance. Except for dh. Mr. conventional, which is getting worse as he ages, would have deleted it fifteen minutes into the movie. Instead nobody touched it and I watched and deleted it at my leisure.
The reasons I didn't want my children to watch it aren't the obvious ones. The frontal nudity and sex scenes they will watch elsewhere. They will probably be faked so well by Hollywood that they don't appear near as realistic as they do in this movie. If they are going to watch sex scenes I at least want the to give a realistic idea of what it is about, not just fake body parts and unrealistic ideals. If they are going to watch drug scenes, and I'm sure they will, I want them to show the down side like this movie did. No the reason I don't want them to watch this movie is because I'm afraid they are as curious as I am. I have never shot up drugs. The things I have done though, I have done because I want to know what it is like. I found myself wondering what heroin is like;what makes it so attractive? Would I be able to take one hit to try and then leave it? Then slowly as I watched I realized that as I have grown older alcohol effects me so much more than it used to. No telling what anything stronger would do to me now. No, the time in my life for trying those kinds of things is gone. Good sense has ruled out. I believe my boys have much more good sense than I did at their age, but lets not push it.

Monday, February 18, 2008

My Sister's Keeper

Before I switched jobs my life centered around my life here at home. Working a few days a week was something I worked in to my schedule. Since switching jobs my life has felt really out of balance. My life has been centering on work and I was working my kids, my family, and my personal interests around my job. For instance my sleeping habits have always been erratic. I might have stayed up until two or three in the morning for a few nights then gone to bed at ten on another night. For the last several months I have been trying to make sure I get to bed no later than eleven, so that I could get at least seven hours of sleep a night. I had not realized that imposing this schedule was centering my life around work. I just knew that I was feeling unfulfilled and bored with my life, and out of touch with my children. Last week I decided to start trying to recenter my life. It has been easy because of the three day weekend, but I hope to keep it up.
Wednesday Lane and I went grocery shopping in the evening and didn't make it home until after eleven. Thursday we went out to eat with some friends. I ate too much. (So far I have taken off ten of the twenty extra pounds I packed on last year) We didn't get home until after ten and I needed to bake cupcakes for Lee to take to school the next day. (Wow, my little boy is sixteen) He still takes cupcakes to school on his birthday. His class still expects the cakes to have cookie crumbs on the top, to represent dirt, and a worm sticking its head out of the dirt. I didn't get to bed until after midnight. Friday night we finished the second LOTR movie.For two nights in a row I stayed up late reading a book. After all of that I feel more rested than I did when I was forcing myself to sleep.
The book I stayed up late reading was My Sister's Keeper. It was an excellent book. It was a book that insisted on being read in two large chunks instead of a little bit here and there. I finished it at four thirty this morning and then I laid in the dark thinking about it until five. The characters were so well developed that they quit being characters and have become friends I spent my weekend listening to and empathizing with. I would recommend this book to anyone.

Thursday, February 07, 2008

Shut up already

Lately I have been avoiding people and situations just so I don't have to listen to bitching all of the time. One of my good friends Tams, who I have spent hours at a time talking to over the years, is a good example. I will admit that several of those hours have been spent with me doing the bitching;I really should not judge. It is just that it seems to have reached epic proportions. She has been teaching here for a couple of years now and I hate to say it but nobody can bitch like school teachers. With me being on the board I feel it is my duty to listen objectively whenever I am targeted as a listener. Even if I know that their points are valid after a point it becomes very exhausting. No matter how hard we try the school will never be perfect, their will always be personality clashes,and somebody will always be slacking off, and somebody will be picking up the slack. There has to be a point when we say there are these small problems that we are working on, but in general things are working.
Over a year ago I quit going to church and you would not believe how much more peaceful my life is now. I don't know what it is about church but members don't seem to be happy if they aren't complaining about somebody else. The music is either the wrong style, or the preacher is offensive, or somebody in the congregation is getting too much control. I really don't care if I ever attend church again.
Evading that question is tricky. Every time I get asked why I quit going to church I either blame it on apathy or laziness, which while there are a few reasons for my quiting those aren't two of them. One reason is the aforementioned problem with complaining. One is that since Labor day we have been eating a large breakfast most Sundays together as a family. My mom and sister come over and we cook a huge meal. My brother usually drives up from Guymon, and occasionally a few friends show up. I really don't want to spoil that. Even though most of my family members live relatively close it is easy to go a week without spending much time together. Between kids and their activities, and work, and our activities, extended family can be pushed out of the way. I love getting together and having an excuse to cook hash browns. The other reason is the big one. The church I had been attending was a baptist one. I had thought that it was okay to attend a baptist church and not consider oneself a baptist. For years I did just that with no real problems, but then the whole conservative push started strengthening and even in small independent churches Dobson's strangle hold was being felt. I like my preaching served without a side of politics. I cringe when I hear a preacher say that gay marriage is a threat to families. I find it curious that they never expand on that in a logical way and show the actual threat. How can I trust in a preacher who repeats lies without first checking them and cross referencing them with the Bible? How can I sit in a pew and smile and shake hands with people who are willing to accept these same lies from the preacher because it feels good to hate? The answer is I can't.

Thursday, January 31, 2008

Middle Earth

All day at work yesterday something was haunting me. At first I couldn't put my finger on what it was. I was functioning fine, talking and laughing with co-workers, and doing my work at an acceptable speed. Something just didn't feel right. Slowly it hit me, I was home sick. Not my normal kind of homesick. I often think about me house and what I would be doing if I were at home. I am a homebody, but this was different. I was homesick for Middle Earth.
Now I know some people will never understand this, but I am sure I am not alone in this feeling. Lee, Jason, and I had started watching LOTR the night before. We are planning to watch them all three over again as time allows. The problem with the movies is that they make me want to spend a day laying around immersed in the book. The problem with the book is that it makes me want to move to Middle Earth, which is unfeasible at the moment. To be a hobbit, a simple life of helping things grow, eating, smoking, drinking and eating again, seems idyllic to me right now. The question that holds me is how do we get back to that simple life with out losing all of the wonderful advances that have came into society? Of course I would need to go out on a few adventures now and again, maybe steal from a dragon or two.

Friday, January 25, 2008

More time alone

Here I am stealing a bit of time to myself again. Some days it hits me that there will come a time when I will be alone a lot more. I wonder if I will like it? Most of the town is at the school tonight for the homecoming game. My kids are there hanging out with their friends. They don't have time for me tonight, if I were a less selfish mother I would be upset, I am so relieved.
I was reading through the list of 1001 books you must read before you die and realized I had already read over forty of them. Well, I might as well finish, I thought. Middlesex was already my table waiting to be read, Orlando is somewhere under the table already started, and Moll Flanders is almost finished, lying somewhere under my bed. That is the book Moll Flanders under my bed, not an actual person.
For Christmas my brother gave me a beautiful blank book. It was too substantial looking to just fill with my endless blathering. He had already given me a recipe journal, and a wine journal, both of which I love. I didn't know what to do with this book. As I was reading over the list I realized that this is exactly what this book is for. It is to hold a reading project that will last more than a few years. I am going to get started right now.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Four hours before I can eat!

I am forty-four hours into my fast and I am starving. My head is pounding and I am not sure if it is my sinuses or the whole detox thing. It never has made me sick before, but I have heard of it happening to others. I came home from work and went straight in to lie down. My family has went to the high school basketball game and the house is very quiet now. Here I am alone drinking herbal tea and trying to decide weather I should read a book or watch a movie.
Since Tiki is on vacation we had a sub come in to help out today. This lady was very nice and worked hard. Since we were swamped we only took a thirty minute lunch. I wasn't eating so drank my tea while she ate. When I told her I was detoxing she seemed very knowledgeable on alternative health care, which was great because it gave us something to talk about. I am not sure when the exact turning point of the conversation happened, it was subtle, but I slowly realized I found her very scary.
She explained to me how the president has sold us out to the middle east. She talked about how he has proven that we are no longer allies to Israel. Now I am all for disliking our current administration, I take a certain pleasure in it. It was when she went on telling me how everything bad that happened in Israel would be double here in the states that I took notice. She talked of things like earthquakes and hurricanes and how we were doomed. We would probably only have one more election before our country was ruined and past the point of being able to have elections. She offered to send me over a video about the anti-christ. She was a very nice lady, and I was heartened to hear that not all Christian conservatives were backing Bush, however I found her surety on our destruction more than a little frightening. I am not frightened of the destruction she was talking about. What frightened me was the fact that she does represent a part of our population, and a person who is scared is easy to control. If enough of our voters are scared for the future I worry about the kind of choices we will make. Religious fanatics, from any religion, scare me.

Monday, January 21, 2008

48 hour fast

I am not a crazy person, well not totally, yet today I found myself shouting obscenities at my car radio. There is a local morning show that I used to listen to regularly. For a variety of reasons I don't listen much anymore. This morning I dropped my kids off at school, yes literally, and happened to hear the d.j. saying that it was ridiculous to choose a candidate based on gender or race. I didn't know what he was specifically talking about at the time. I shouted "Fuck you Ramon, Fuck you!" very loudly. I do happen to agree with his statement, we should choose our leaders on their ability to lead, it is just that he says things with no consistency. This man is a man that I have heard, more than once, say that he would never vote for a woman president. For him to be judging anyone else on how they choose their candidate is ridiculous.

On a different subject, I am fasting today. Around last Wednesday I decided to do the seven day detox. I did it a few years ago and I felt great when I was done. When to start is always the hard decision. Anna had just told me that her and a few friends were inviting themselves over to my house Saturday night. Sunday is when we have our large family breakfast, so I put it off until today. Last night at ten I decided to go in and have one last meal. What did I choose? A huge bowl of cereal. Wheat and dairy a a large part of my diet;I am going to miss them. Miss Universe is doing it also, she is the one who mentioned it first. This is her first time so I am curious to see how she likes it. I talked to Tams last night and she said she should do it with me again, but I am not sure she will. She is the one who loaned me the book and did it with me a few years ago.
I washed all of my tea pots and put them aside. It is all herbal tea for me now. Tea pots aren't really required for herbal tea since they come in tea bags. All of my wine glasses are washed and snug in their cupboard. Since this seems to be a time of renewal I think I'll season my cast iron skillets tonight. At least once in the winter I like to cover them in shortening and leave them in a 200 degree oven all night. I was washing one of them this morning and the smell of what I had cooked last wafted up to meet me. Yesterday morning I had sliced beef fillets and browned them in olive oil. They were heavily seasoned with salt,pepper, and garlic. I set them aside to be put in omelets. I then poured a few cups of red wine in the skillet to deglaze the pan. I added a can of beef broth and let it cook down into a thick sauce that was perfect to saute mushrooms in. The mushrooms were put into the omelets too. The rich beefy smell coming from the skillet filled my head and made me wonder if this fasting was a silly idea.

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Morning tea

One of the things I miss, since I started working more, is morning tea. On days I work I sleep as late as possible;being awake in the morning is akin to torture for me. my breakfast is usually buttered toast or a banana which I eat while driving as fast as possible to work, and I am still a few minutes late. My tea is too hot to drink until I get there, then if we are busy it goes cold and has to be reheated.
Yesterday I wasn't hungry so I made a large pot of blueberry roobios and drank it throughout the morning. Today I woke up starving. I made a pot of Czar Nicholas. There was still bread left from yesterday so I toasted four slices. After buttering them I covered two with honey and two with strawberry jam. I ate while reading blogs and listening to The Cloud Room. That in my opinion is a perfect morning.
Yesterday morning I had a message on my phone saying Pookie has crawled. I am excited to see this. The message had been sent at midnight. My family is full of night owls; this little guy is no exception. I am going to pick him up now so Fria Chica can take a nap. I hope he will crawl for me.

Wednesday, January 16, 2008

Two days off!

Two glorious days off, I am never going to want to go back to work now. Tiki is taking her vacation starting Friday so days off are going to be nonexistent for eight days. Therefore, I am trying to completely enjoy these two. I held my breath Monday and Tuesday expecting the schedule to be changed. My days off were sure to disappear. That has been happening a lot lately;I smile and say no problem, but I hate it. I had thought it would be nice to have a least one of these days home alone, but that isn't going to happen. Huggy Bear is coming over both days while her parents work. I don't mind at all because I miss her. It is also snowing outside, so school may be canceled tomorrow.
Huggy Bear helped me make French bread and start a soup earlier. By the time we were finished she was covered in flour and had to have a bath. I can't believe how much she is talking now, and so clearly too. She was sitting on the table wiping flour onto the floor. When I told her stop she said "No" in a very calm voice. She then picked up a handful and threw it at a cabinet door. "Stop" I said quite firmly. "Fine" She answered in a very preteen way. All of this attitude and she is only two.

All of the great trips I have planned that have fallen through in the last two years,it is a trip to Florida that is really going to happen. Not that I dislike Florida, we just have already done the whole Disneyland thing as a family and I went to Florida on my senior trip. I wanted to go to New York, Canada, or Mexico. Enough of that though. I am sure I will love going to Florida, I enjoyed my last trip there, I just wanted to go somewhere new. This is a group trip, that is why we are going. I agreed to go because I had promised Princess and Curly Top that I would take them to Disney. Now their mother won't let them go, and it would be rude to back out at this point.
Miss Universe and her family are going, which is going to be great. Of all of the people we have vacationed with they are the most fun. The other family going happens to be Godiva,Raul, and their three children. Raul is Miss Universe's brother-in-law, Rolando's younger brother. They are a fun couple, but really I prefer them in small doses. We are all renting a four bedroom house together, if we aren't careful we may end up watching their young ones in large doses. Godiva is also very bossy, and seems to be against splitting up. I have firmly pointed out three times that my children are much older than hers so we aren't going to spend all of our time doing the same things. We are renting separate vehicles just to have an escape if needed. The plane tickets have been bought and the house is paid for. We are going.

I have mentioned before how red this corner of the state is. There happen to be some very vocal conservatives at work that are driving me crazy. Bell brought in an e-mail she had printed off and presented it in a very final-see here-I am right kind of a way. It was that old lame lie about how much the Clinton's get paid in rent from their secret service men. I got as far as printing off the snopes page on the subject, but then I wondered what is more important, being right or having peace in the work place. I haven't decided yet, so I am just avoiding any political conversations. Everybody should have their own opinions and being conservative, is not a crime. I just wish people would at least check out what they read or hear before passing it along.

Monday, January 07, 2008

Rambling on about resolutions.

I told myself that I would start doing better at posting regularly. So here I am and I can't think of a thing to say. I'll just rattle on for a minute and see what happens. That whole start posting more wasn't a New Year's resolution, it just happened to come about around the end of last year so it feels like one. I never have really done the whole make resolutions on the 1st and really don't intend to start now.
My life is just feeling really out of balance and I really need to make some changes. The things that mean something to me have been taking back seat to things I really just do because I have to. So I decided to spend more time just hanging out with my kids, to go outside more, to start walking again, to make time to cook more, to spend an hour or two in my room reading every once in a while, and most of all-start working on my house again. Now I have to run. Jason is playing basketball in Balko today so I am off to cheer him on.

Friday, January 04, 2008

2007 reading list

I wanted to save the list somehow, so here it is in post form.

Books read in 2007.

* Outlander --- Only book on the list that I didn't like.

* Saving fish from drowning
* The Night Watch
* The Worst Hard Time
* Farewell To Arms
* The sweet life
* The secret life of bees
* Jeeves and the song of songs
* Undomestic Goddess
* The Crystal Cave
* Stardust
* American Gods
* Islands In The Stream
* In her Shoes
* Whitethorn Woods
* The Bridge To Terabithia
* The Birth of Britain
* The Sun Also Rises*
* Thursday Next
* A Respectable Trade
* Byron's Poems
* Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
* The Tower of Beowolf
* Kite Runner
* Inkheart
* Robin and the King
* A Long Way Gone
* Marley & Me
* Sherwood
* Dress Your Family in Courderoy and Denim
* Domain
* The Sea, The Sea
* Death Is Not The End
* Heidi*
* The Irish Village Murder
* Woman on the edge of Time
* My Life as a Fake
* The Little Princesses
* The Rum Diary
* The Girl In Hyacinth Blue
* Saint Maybe
* One Day The Ice Will Reveal All Its Dead
* Something Rotten
* The Well Of lost Plots
* Lost in a Good Book
* The Eyre Affair

Forty-six books in 2007

Forty six books finished this year, and only one of them I didn't like. There is low number of rereads this time, only two. As a child there were a few books I read over and over, several times a year. Jacob Have I Loved, The Witch of Blackbird Pond, and The Long Winter are a few that I remember. I have talked to people who say they never reread books. They are missing out. Most books have something new to find in them each time you read them.
I have a stack of books laying in piles around my bed that I have started and at some point intend to finish. They hopefully will be on the list next year. Looking over this year's list it looks like a good reading year. I read less nonfiction than usual, but I got on a fantasy kick for a good part of the year. My love of memoirs isn't represented much either. To start off next year I am already in the middle of a few memoirs.

I was so plowed when I made that last post that all I remember doing was squinting at the post and backspacing to correct the many typing errors. I am glad I posted though, because by morning I had forgot about that conversation until I read it. It made me laugh as I yakked several times on my drive to Wichita. I had picked up the girls a few days after Christmas to spend part of their school vacation with us. The first was the only day I had off to drive them home. At one point I pulled over to throw up and as I was holding it in until I came to a stop it started to come out my nose. That was a nice visual wasn't it? Anyway it took much longer than the usual four hours to make the drive there. I took an hour nap on my sisters couch and felt better when I woke up. The ride home was regurgitation free and went much faster. My i-pod went dead though so I couldn't listen to The Golden Compass on the way home, that sucked.

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Happy new year!

So how is your new year going? There have been many funny conversations in mine so far. Unfortunately the only one I remember goes something like this.

Fria chica: You know how you said Miss Universe was funny when she was drinking? Well you are even funnier.
Miss universe: Yeah, you aren't being a tight ass bitch.

Unfortunately I think they may be right. I was quite a lot of fun tonight. I am also still worried about my spelling and grammar, so maybe I can be a tight ass bitch sometimes.