Friday, October 10, 2008

tough choices

Fria chica has believed the story her boyfriend told her about the heroin being old and no longer used as only a lover can. She decided to stay with him. I think part of my lack of understanding comes from selfishness;I was so excited at the thought of having her back. Of course we still talk almost everyday so it isn't like she is that far removed. They are coming down this weekend to visit. On the way they are swinging through Wichita to pick up the girls. I am looking forward to Sunday's breakfast. Lately we have only been having 10-12 family members and it seems very quiet.

I left work this morning at lunch as was struck at the deep blue of the sky. That is one of my biggest complaints about where I work, we rarely see the sky. For lunch I sat on a park bench and ate a couple of corned beef sandwiches while noticing how the still green trees looked as they brushed against the sky. I don't remember noticing the lack of nature as much when I worked at the library. There were a few large windows there that had a nice view, but I wonder if being surrounded by books was the real difference.
That led me to ask myself to make a choice. Say the choice was between a lifetime spent outdoors in a place with beautiful but varied weather conditions or in a beautiful, never ending library with no natural light which would I choose. In the end I think I would choose to live outdoors because I can tell myself stories but nothing can imitate the sun. Now if I could meld the two places together that would be paradise.

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