Lane is home. I hear his pickup pulling into the yard. Lately we feel like less of a family. We are still close, very close, we talk a lot. However, a family has always been more than two people. It has been for us anyway. We are a family that loves to eat, talk, and drink together. suddenly we are two people who love each other, but two people with separate friends.
I went to the bar tonight with Diva. I do not go out much anymore because there is a high chance for awkwardness. It seemed safe tonight. We went to the bar and sat with friends. There was a man there who did not know me. He kept winking at me. Since I am not good at meeting new people right now I just smiled, but tried not to encourage him. Then a woman who used to live near me came in. She has a special needs son who had been in Jason's class. All of the parents of special needs children love Jason. Simply because he loved their children. He would throw the kickball into the outfield as their children ran the bases. He was more empathetic than most people. He made sure their children felt like one of the crowd. She found me in the bar and hugged me and balled. It was not quiet crying, it was wailing. I tried to hold it together, but soon I was crying too.
Diva and I went to another bar. We sat with some people I know vaguely from work. One of the men asked me my last name. Then the name of my ex. "Jason" he asked. No, that was my son. I responded. "Is he?" Yes. I said.