Monday, November 26, 2007

Thanksgiving has came and went. It left a huge mess in its wake. My dishes may never get done. Everyday I wash enough to feel like I am ahead, then by the end of the day I am behind again. You can see we aren't one of those families that run in and clean up right after the meal. That would be wasting precious game playing time.
My first trip to Wichita was great. My brother and I talked the whole way there and back. We didn't turn the radio on once. We only spent an hour in Wichita since I wanted to get home to start baking, and he can't sleep in other peoples houses very well anyway. I am glad he went with me, because he kept me from stewing all the way there. Really I can't remember what we talked about, but by the time we reached Drama Queen's apartment I wasn't bitter at all, and my weepiness was gone. Thank goodness, I had already had an embarrassing moment in the library when I teared up for no reason at all.
Saturday Fria chica and I drove the girls back to Wichita. We stayed the night so that we could get up the next day and get ice cream. The book store is across from the ice cream shop so of course we went there next. Surprisingly, I was very good and didn't buy any books for myself. I picked one up for my brother and a few for the kids and that was it. At Chelmsford Teas I picked up a carton of chai seasoning and some orange green tea for my brother. Then I was overwhelmed and couldn't resist trying something new so I bought two oz. of Windsor Castle for myself. Those books are the only Christmas shopping I have done yet.
As I was leaving Wichita the second time it hit me again that somehow Drama Queen brings out the best and the worst in me. When I am around her I want to gather up all of the pieces of her life, fix them, and hand them back to her in a neat package. There is no end to the amount of help I want to give her. I want so much for her to be happy and fulfilled. At the same time I never find myself being so judgmental as I do when I am around her. Really one of the things I try to do is not to judge people, but to accept them as whole people whatever their flaws instead of labeling them good or bad. Yet I walk in and count the empty beer bottles and add them to her list of errors. When she talks about her life I smile and listen but inside my head I snort and wonder how long it will be until she fucks it up. I am not proud of myself for this and someday hope to change this terrible trait.

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