Sunday, May 25, 2014


I have not posted in a while, not even sure why. I have plenty to say. Having spent a lot of time driving has given me time to think out several posts. I just do not post them. Partly because having a baby is exhausting. At forty I thought I was firmly out of this stage of my life. Now that I am back in it for a while I remember how little else gets done when there is a baby in the house. Partly because I seem to be having trouble communicating lately.

After the kids had been here a week I drove Beezus and the baby back to Wichita. Beezus had a doctors appointment and I thought my sister would like to see the baby. Ramona refused to go. She was afraid her mom would try to keep her. My plan was to drop the girls off and drive on to Lawrence to see Lee. Of course that all hinged on how my sister was doing. On the phone she sounded better. She was trying to detox and get sober so she could get her kids back. That morning she looked stable. She was sober, but had the morning shakes. I hung around for a couple of hours to make sure before continuing on my way.

The time with Lee is exactly what I needed. He looked good. We talked about cooking, mixing drinks, movies, and life. We went to see the movie Under The Skin at the Liberty. I enjoyed the movie, but felt slow because I left the theater with so many questions. I left after a late breakfast the next day. It was a short visit, but worth the drive.

Beezus had another appointment the next week. She has been having stomach issues that have eluded diagnosis. This time she wanted to stay with her mom. She was ready to move back home. It was obvious that she was moving back because of a boyfriend and friends, but she is fifteen  now. That seems old enough to be able to make a few of her own mistakes. A drove to Wichita, dropped her off, and drove the four hours home. At that time Drama Queen was sure that she would be driving down to pick up the baby in a couple of weeks. That would have been this week we are starting today. At the time I really hoped she was right.

Last Monday I was exhausted. I had had a long weekend, which will deserve a post of its own. All day I kept thinking of the nap I was going to take as soon as possible. On the drive home from work Beezus called me. She was frantic, crying and hard to understand. Eventually I understood that her mom was drinking and violent again. She was outside the apartment and afraid to go back in. I could hear my sister yelling at her. A neighbor volunteered to drive her to Great Bend. This was a stroke of luck because it shortened my driving time by an hour, and I could avoid dealing with Drama Queen. I picked up Ramona, made a thermos of tea, and drove to get her. I did finally get to bed at two in the morning. 

Now that I am not expecting to have this baby back with her mother in a short time period I am settling into the role and enjoying it. Today I noticed that her top two teeth are coming in. It was calm and cool last night. The girls wanted a fire. While I built one I called my other niece over to roast hotdogs. It was the baby's first fire. She loved it. She waved her little hands and talked to the flames. My two youngest nieces, Ramona and Mimi, told me that I was their favorite aunt because I did fun things with them. It warmed my heart.

*See, I had to stop in the middle of writing this to feed the baby and put her back to sleep. Babies do not understand that they should not interrupt a person early in the morning. If you are awake this is a time to reflect. They are so uncivilized.

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