Saturday, September 03, 2011


     My household income has been cut by 55% while the population has only been decreased by 14.29%. This should make me nervous, but instead I have found myself blissfully happy. My lifestyle hasn't changed too much since dh moved out; for the most part I do the same things on a daily basis that I always have. I just get to do them with so much less stress.
    Dh has been asking me out on dates and expressing his unending love for me lately.  I have been trying to respond politely while walking a line between not hurting his feelings and not leading him on with false expectations.  The truth is that after being called a liar, a bitch, and a whore for 19 years it is nice to be called nothing. Earlier this year our book club read the book Sarah's Key. While reading the book I noticed that one of the character's talked to his wife much like dh talked to me. During the discussion somebody called his behavior emotional abuse. As everyone agreed I felt my breath draining from me. I had never thought of myself as a victim of abuse, and did not like the thought of being one. Even now my brain insists that I was not. Sure he was abusive but I lived above it. I did not let it affect me. Except that I am not as friendly to men as I used to be, to make things smoother, and I don't warmly invite people over as much as I once did, for fear of a scene, but I am not timid. After the book club I was talking to Fria Chica, who also attends, she brought up the subject and said that when somebody mentioned the character's abusive behavior she thought "poor Lynn" for she too had related that character with dh.  Unlike in the book though my husband is not a handsome, accomplished lover, so I didn't even have the benefits.
     My kids are all out for the evening. I have been reading a light biography of Elizabeth II, dancing with myself, writing, and drinking tea. It has been lovely so far, and who knows what will happen next?

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