Tuesday, June 19, 2007

summer time

What am I doing with my summer vacation? Not enough of what I would like to be doing. I am working more than usual this summer. I watch four baseball games a week. Fortunately this is the last week of that. When the girls went home to live with their mother I felt an empty spot in my life so I started working on the hot tub I had been planning in my head. I haven't had much time to mess with it either though. The empty spot in my life was something I expected and planned for. What I didn't expect was actual physical pain. For the first two weeks after I took them home I hurt. It is hard to explain a pain that doesn't radiate from any single part of the body. It just settled in and made itself at home.
Princess and Curly top weren't always easy and they took more time than all three boys did put together, but after a year we were at a point where we were used to the extra work and didn't notice it. What we noticed were the extra smiles in our house, and the extra good night kisses. Sometimes when I'm out working in the yard I still look up and try to find them riding their bikes. The pain has lessoned now. I don't spontaneously burst into tears any more, but I still miss them. One day not long after they left I went to the pool to take Lane some money. As I walked out I noticed a bike exactly like Princess's. It was thrown carelessly on the cement. Princess was very particular about her bike, she would have put the kickstand down and made sure it was stable before she ran into the pool. This one thought set off my tears. My house is a quieter place now, less fighting, crying, and whining, but also less giggles, hugs, and people to tickle.

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