Blessings

Well I never did really commit to Nanowrimo this year, so while I did do a bit of playing around with it I came nowhere near finishing, or starting for that matter.

People who spend time with me may be shocked to find out how strong my faith is. That is because my faith is personal not something I go on about; I certainly don't need the President to help me thank God, that is my job. Today I have been reflecting back on my life and how blessed I am. Through out my lifetime there has always been an abundance of happiness. I was about to write sunshine, but I deleted the word, not because it is an overused cliche. I deleted it because the picture of a lovely rainy day flashed through my mind and made me smile. Rainy days make me smile, as do sunny days. I really love a thick foggy day, or a great snow storm. Oops I am off topic again.  When I look back on my life I realize how lucky I am to have been give three of the best children in existence. Then two beautiful girls, who make me laugh, have come into my life. My family, while slightly insane, is a close knit group. I have always been able to provide for my children, and whenever I need help it appears. I do feel like God has been constantly blessing me, even when I forget to be thankful. It is hard to believe that there can be any more blessings in store for me, surely I am getting close to my quota, but then just when I needed it there is more. After having been in a loveless relationship for many years a man has been sent my way who makes me feel completely adored. Now we are all adults here and know that these kinds of things don't always last forever, but for now when I need it, it is a blessing.

My life

Most days I look at this empty screen and think 'I have nothing to say' So I say nothing. Today, I have nothing to say, so I thought I would just catch up on what have I been doing. Beezus and Ramona have moved back in with me, and Lee is here for Christmas break. That makes me happy. What else? Working mostly, having lived for several years as a stay-at-home mom I have perspective on both sides and I can say that working sucks. It has its good points, like a paycheck and health insurance. It was always scary to take a child to the doctor and wonder if this was going to be your whole food budget for the week, and I most certainly never wanted to go the doctor myself. That would be a total waste of money. Adult interaction is another good point. I enjoy my job, and feel I am good at it, but it still sucks to wake to the sound of an alarm, drive, spend eight hours working for everybody else, then be too tired to work towards my own dreams in the evening. It is not that I am always too tired. That energy that I do have is spent on my children. It has become apparent to me lately that I do not have much time left with them at home, so spending time with them has become a real priority, whether they like it or not. What are these dreams, or projects, that I am pushing back?

I want to build my house. The picture of it is stored in my head and I walk through it at nights. It is beautiful. I want to write a few books. There are stories in my mind that I would like to commit to paper, before paper is archaic. I would like to be a more healthy me. I have plans that include more yoga and belly dancing, I am trying to fit those in to my schedule. I have trouble sticking to schedules. Creating an actual prolific garden would be nice, I play at in now, but it does not produce much. These are all things I am trying to fit into my life. Hopefully I will do a better job of it than I did last year.

What did I do last year. I joined a book club that I have enjoyed. I sent my first child off to college. I remember the day I sat at a red light in Lawrence and it hit me that I had done it. The day Lee was born I pledged to give him a stable childhood. One where he would start preschool and graduate in the same place. One where college was not some foreign world where he would feel he did not belong, but a place he was planning on going some day. Financially I wanted to be able to help him get started. That moment at the stop light, the same day I had cosigned his lease, and enrolled him in school, was a moment of sheer giddiness. I have been through a roller coaster with my sister. We have not agreed on rehab for her or where the girls should live. I am not saying the ride is over, but we are in a nice steady spot right now. Lane and Jason are becoming young men and most days I am proud of them. I have always tried to create an open relationship in the family. That started with answering any question they asked me honestly. It may now have gone a bit too far. I am not sure it is normal to know how Jason's sex life is going. Normal or not he will say things like 'Hey do I have scratch marks on my back?' Who are these men I am raising? The fun is in watching them find out.

Summer

I have spent a good portion of the the summer traveling. Not to exotic places, just been putting on miles in the Midwest. At the end of June I agreed to be the responsible adult who took three kids to the Warped Tour in Denver. That was a fun trip. Jason, Lee, their friend Kip, and I set off at ten-thirty Saturday morning. I had to work at least a few hours on Saturday. We laughed all the way to Denver. I am trying to think of some of the things that were so funny, but for one reason or another none of them would be good things to write here. At one point we devised a contest in which the winner would be the one who caused the most emo kids to commit suicide that weekend. How can I write that and admit we were so irreverent? Many times Jason would say that he had to go to the bathroom and ask if Kip would like to come help. Kip would always jump up and agree to follow him to the bathroom. I write this I have to put it into context and explain that Kip is openly gay;something that would have been unheard of in our small Midwest high when I was attending. Jason is the epitome of the high school jock. Yet the two of them are great friends. Lee fits somewhere in the middle of these two. Kip has dedicated the song 'Your So Gay' to Lee. The two of them took a college class this summer under a teacher who was a fundamentalist. She knew that one of the two boys was gay but was never sure which one. Kip said that he hoped she would declare that it was Lee so he could jump up and say "Ha! I fooled you!" I asked Lee if the fact that she wasn't sure bothered him at all. He stood there in his skinny jeans and tight tee and said "no" in a tone that made it clear that it had never occurred to him to take it as a negative.
It took us an hour to find our hotel room because 18th street in Denver is place out of Harry Potter and it kept disappearing. We walked the 16th street mall That afternoon. Then we went and ate at one of the best Indian restaurants. Later when Lee wakes up I will ask him the name. He is the one who did the research and picked out which Indian restaurant we would eat at. It was never any question about the type of food. We don't live near any Indian restaurants so we try to force everyone to try one when we get out of town. Kip said the only ethnic food they eat at home is Americanized enchiladas and admitted to being a picky eater. We made him go anyway. I think he liked it. He didn't complain. At midnight we walked the mall again, well three of us did, Lee stayed in the room and went to bed. There are not many things more entertaining than drunks spilling out of bars and causing fights, unless it is drunken ladies staggering around on high heels.
Early the next morning we went to stand in line. If you are a band that is just starting out and need to sell a few cd's find Lee. He won't say no. I lost count of how many he bought. I walked all over the neighborhood trying to find sunblock. It was too early on a Sunday morning for the stores to open. So I walked back and stood in line. Then at ten-thirty I went back. I couldn't find a store that sold any, which I thought was very odd. So I walked back. We were one of the first people to get in so I quickly bought some at a booth. The tour itself was fun, but I enjoyed just roaming the city better. My biggest suggestion to this type of a tour is a venue with more grass and shade. Lee was in his element. He met the members of his favorite bands, got to experience a pit, and meet countless liberal women. I only mention the last part because that is one of his complaints about the area we live in;he is surrounded by conservatives.

A few days before the Denver trip we made a trip to Wichita to pick up my girls. They spent the month of July with us. I kept planning on taking them on a little vacation either to the volcano in New Mexico or to Bishop's Castle in Colorado, but we never did have time to go. Lane's all star team made it to state so we went to Columbus Ks. instead. One night we did drive into Joplin to eat, so they at least made it out of the state. Princess, while being very princess like in some ways, is not a dainty girl. She insisted on fighting the whole time we were gone. More than one boy got the crap kicked out of him by a girl that weekend.

At the start of August we had to take them home. Miss Universe decided she wanted to go also so we loaded up all of the kids but Jason and went shopping. We did most of our school clothes shopping while we were there. I hate shopping for clothes and was glad to have that out of the way. Lane's phone fell in slushy while we were driving. I swear these kids cost me way too much money. We did make one stop I was happy with. We went to get ice cream. I love Stone Cold Creamery. My usual choice is peanut butter blended with Mocha and pecans mixed in. It didn't disappoint. While we were eating it Lee and I walked over to the tea shop and picked up some loose leaf tea.

Last weekend Jason went to Amarillo with Miss Universe to do his shopping. I was glad to not have to go on another shopping trip.

weekends are hard work

Graduation weekend kicked my ass. Friday night I cooked mass proportions of Potato salad, challah bread, and baked beans. The challah doesn't have any religious significance to my family it is just one of the most delicious breads I've ever tasted. After work on Saturday I picked up a few things we still needed;beer included since dh and friends started cooking the meat at eight in the morning and had already worked their way through most of our stock. I baked cookies for the eighth grade dance, made iced tea, and then went out to enjoy the food and company. Jason graduated from eighth grade so we were having a bbq for all of his classmates and their families. Luckily he only has ten kids in his class. At graduation that night he gave the valedictorian speech. He was noticeably nervous. Afterwards he told me his mouth went dry and he kept tripping over his tongue. Despite all of that he did a great job and I was a proud parent.
Once it was all over with we went home and sat around our yard with several of our friends until three in the morning. We drank and ate as much of the leftovers as we could manage. Tiki and son drove over and went to graduation with us. On Monday at work she said she doesn't think she has ever laughed so hard in her life. We are a silly group when we all get together. Around two people started peeling away to call it a night. Lee and Jason came out and sat with Fria Chica, her bf Matt, Tiki, and me until it just got too cold to stay outside any longer.
Sunday I woke up early, but knew better than to get out of bed. I made myself go back to sleep and slept until one in the afternoon. I made it out of bed in time to watch an episode of Robin Hood with my family. Then it was time to get dressed for the high school graduation ceremony. I would have loved to skip this, but I didn't think it would be very nice. I am on the school board and two of my good friends had daughters who were graduating. It was a nice ceremony. They had made a few changes that cut at least an hour, which is great. Afterwards we had to make our rounds to all of the receptions and parties for the graduates. The last one we went to was next door. My last boss's ex-husband was there and drunk. He followed me around,believe me I was trying to shake him, and told me about the problems he had been having both pre- and post divorce. While I agree his ex is a bitch I just wasn't mood to talk about it all night. Finally I just came home and went to bed.
My biggest regret is that I was at graduation when Fria chica and pookie moved to O.k. city so I didn't get to say good-bye. I miss them both already. Who is going to clean my house now that she is gone? Most certainly not me.
For the third year in a row I refused to sit on the stage with the rest of the school board. I also could have handed Jason his diploma. Lee and I opted out of this perk two years ago and this year Jason and I opted out too. I have other members tell me this is their favorite part of being on the board. That is great for them but I have no desire to do that. I am perfectly happy sitting in the crowd with my family and cheering instead of sitting business like on the stage. I also can't imagine watching my boys give a speech from behind. I want to see their faces.
By Monday I was so tired I yawned most of the day. I couldn't wait to get home and have a nap. Of course the nap never happened. By the time I finished watering the garden and doing laundry it was almost bed time. Since today is just a field trip day and dh was at a softball game we decided to brew a pot of blueberry rooibos and watch No Country For Old Men. After that movie I had a bit of trouble getting to sleep.
Lee has learned my weakness and has been exploiting it lately. Thursday was awards night for the high school. I had babysat Bella and Pookie in the morning and went to the grade school awards ceremony and jr. high ceremony before rushing to work for a couple of hours. By that evening I was tired and wanted to relax, but was all set to go. We had time to watch a movie before we left. After it was over Lee started working on me. He thought it would be nice if we brewed a pot of tea and watched Darjeeling limited instead of going to awards night. I needed to go as a board member. He needed to be there to accept his awards. These were my arguments. I was adamant. I really enjoyed Darjeeling Limited and recommend the movie to others. I feel a little bit guilty about not going, but I'll get over it.

Bithday party and prom

We survived the sleepover, and most of the chips have been vacuumed up. Most years we have warm, sunny weather for Lane's party. We go outside and play kickball or soccer. Not this year. Friday it started out misty and cold. By ten it was hailing. At eleven-thirty they canceled school because of snow. For the first two hours of the party he had invited his whole class. That meant I was going to need to entertain over twenty kids indoors. Since he loves Law and Order I had decorated his cake like a crime scene, complete with chalk outlines and a bloody knife. to entertain them I wrote up a mystery for them to solve and gave them all pencils and little notebooks to write the clues on. They got to keep these in the place of goody bags. Dh was very vocal about this not working and that they would hate it, but since he didn't have a better idea we went with it. I didn't hold back from rubbing it in when they seemed to be having fun with it.

The next night was prom. In a small school, our senior class has about 18 students, several underclassmen get invited as dates. They also invite the school board members, all of their current teachers, and all of their previous teachers to the banquet. Lee is a freshman this year and a senior girl asked him to go to prom with her. Every year the sophomore class serves the meal, their reward is getting to go to the dance. I guess I can count on having to rent a tux for the next three years too. One of the memorable moments of the night for me, as an adult the prom pretty much means a free meal and slipping on heels, was how damn handsome Lee looked in his tux. His kindergarten teacher is retired and lives out of town, so he hadn't seen her in while. When he walked up to say hello she stopped looked him over and said she almost wished he were her date. He talked to her a bit about his upcoming trip to Europe and she put into words the reason I have been working so hard to make this happen for him. She and her husband have done quite a bit of traveling themselves. She took him by the arm and said, "Wait until you get over there and see we don't have a corner on the world. You'll see the things they are doing with art, historical buildings, and recycling and be amazed." I really believe that if more of our young people traveled, less of them would grow up thinking that being an American means being right all of the time. I don't mean to slam my country here. I am very proud to be an American and proud of some of the great things we have accomplished. However, I have listened to our government tell us that to be true Americans we have to think as they do, when to me the best thing about being an American is being allowed to think for one's self.
I'm not sure how I got off on that tangent. Back on topic, another thing that I was reminded of on prom night is how mean high school girls can be. After prom I popped back up to drop of some plain clothes for Lee. He wanted them to wear to the after party. I asked one of the senior boys how prom had went and he said it sucked. Lee explained to me that this boy's date, a freshman girl, refused to dance with him most of the night. The poor boy had not realized beforehand that she only agreed to go with him because she wanted to go to prom, not because she wanted to go with him.

The thing about being a parent is that one day I can be gushing about how great my son is and the next day I want to kill him, literally. Sunday I told him to put his tux back on the hanger so I could return it. There is a late fee so I had to return it that day even though I really didn't feel like making a trip. Since I was going anyway I made a list of a few things I needed at the store. It was a beautiful day so I put the trip off for awhile and took a walk in the country with my mom, the girls, and Jason. We walked a couple of miles out. We took a stroller so Curly top wouldn't have to walk on the way home, so we could go that far. There were still patches of snow on the ground from Friday, so I got hit by several snowballs. Jason packed one so tight I was sure I was going to have a bruise.
As I was getting ready to leave I reminded Lee to put his tux on the hanger. He was leaving to go to my mom's house so he ran to his room before he left. I went back to get the tux and it was on the hanger all right. He had tossed the hanger on his bed then tossed the clothes on top of it. I went through my repertoire of curse words as I hung it up myself. When I got to the store I realized the pants were missing. The store closed in thirty minutes and there was no way to avoid the late fee. Worse than the fee was knowing I had to make the trip again in the morning. He was very lucky that I had time to cool down on the drive home. He was also lucky that Jason had went with me and suggested stopping for a milkshake. We had such a good time together that my mood had improved considerably by the time we made it home.
I had an appointment in Guymon the next morning to pick up the cheese Lee had sold as a fund raiser, so I buckled Huggy bear into her car seat and drove in a ninety-five mile circle that morning. We had to be home by eleven to pick Curly top up from preschool.
The crazy part of the trip was that I was dying to buy something. I never run out of town for just one little thing. If I am going I have a list of things to do since I try to only go every couple of weeks. As I left the clothing shop I kept trying to think of something I might need even though I kept telling myself I didn't need anything. I looked back at Huggy bear and wondered if she needed anything. She was content with her crackers and a bottle, so I thought about stopping for ice cream. I didn't really want ice cream, I just had a silly need to do something. Logic won out though and I just drove on home. I also overcame the urge to kill my firstborn.