On the issue of seeing my kids (2 nieces and a nephew) this past year has been a rollercoaster. My sister, who is the mom of Ramona and Beezus, has had undiagnosed mental illness that has progressed to a level that is affecting her ability to make good decisions. Her use of alcohol has also increased. This mix, along with being a mean person, has made her harder and harder to deal with. With the older two girls she often made the decision to send them to me when she could no longer handle parenthood. Sometimes she made the decision before things went bad, other times it was after the cops or dcf had visited her home. It was always before they had to enter the system. 

Eleven years ago, she had another baby, let's call her Mae. When Mae was eight months old, she locked all three of them out of her house. The three of them were out on the street in Wichita. Their dad had a cousin who lived there and was willing to drive them the four hours to my house. This is when the decision-making skills started to noticeably decline. This is also when she became more verbally and emotionally abusive to those who tried to help her.

She then went on to have another baby Finn. While she was pregnant, she quit drinking and took Mae back into her home. They moved back in with me when Finn was 2.5 months old. The older two had stayed with me when Mae went back so now all four of us were a family along with my son Lane, who still lived at home. Two years later she was pregnant again. She called to tell me and said she was sorry. She did not move the other two back in immediately. She waited until Finn's birthday in November, she did not let me see them for a few months. This was the start of her withholding them when she was trying to hurt me. Ray was born in March. I kept them several times for a week or two at a time so she could work. Her job is of the nature that allows her to work for a week or two then take a week or two off. When Ray was eight months she called me crying, I could hear Ray screaming in the background. She said she could not take it anymore. I drove to Wichita and brought all three kids home. For over two years we lived happily as a family. Yes having three young kids in my forties was tiring, but I had the older two girls to help. Beezus had a baby when Ray was one, so the family was growing.

Then she decided she was going to move closer to the family. She moved twenty miles away. The plan was to slowly integrate the kids back into her household. I do not remember why she became angry with me. There was no slow integration. She showed up at my house and took three kids who did not recognize her and put them in the car. When they cried she said "you will be fine," in a sharp tone and drove off. A lot of drama ensued in her life, lost her job, wrecked her car, went to a mental hospital, started a pattern of calling 911 a lot, seemingly for attention. The kids were back with me.    Then she quit drinking. We had a whole summer of the kids having both of us. We took them swimming together, had birthday parties, it was a good summer. Then she started drinking. I had lent her a pickup. It was old and did not go in reverse, there was no air conditioning, but it was good for driving around town. Then a house fire happened. The night before, when we realized how drunk she was Beezus had brought the kids to my house. She got even more drunk and started calling to demand we bring them home. She called our mom to demand she get them back for her. She was able to get out of the house that night, but nothing was left. 

The kids stayed with me while she spent the only money she had on hotel rooms. As she ran out of money and options, she became more erratic. She finally agreed to come stay with me. Then one day she loaded up the kids and all of their stuff in my pickup and left town. They were homeless for weeks, then ended up in a homeless shelter. I went six months without seeing them. That was the longest stretch of time without them since Mae was born. It hurt, that was the intention. As life does it stabilized, she found a place they could live. Over the next few years more drama happened, there is always drama. Kids were with me, not with me, removed from the home for three months. The pattern of calling 911 too often continued. The pattern of not letting me see them for months at a time continued. Whenever she needed help she would call me and I would get to see the kids until she did not need me anymore. A couple of times she completely forgot to drop the pretense and would say things like if you give me this I will let you have the kids next weekend. Sometimes, did not fulfill her end of the bargain, sometimes she did.

Then, last Friday the kids were removed from her home. They spent some time in a shelter. Tuesday they were placed with me. We are happy. Today, Finn asked me to get ingredients for sundaes. He made both of his sisters a sundae then sat down to enjoy his.