Here I am stealing a bit of time to myself again. Some days it hits me that there will come a time when I will be alone a lot more. I wonder if I will like it? Most of the town is at the school tonight for the homecoming game. My kids are there hanging out with their friends. They don't have time for me tonight, if I were a less selfish mother I would be upset, I am so relieved.
I was reading through the list of 1001 books you must read before you die and realized I had already read over forty of them. Well, I might as well finish, I thought. Middlesex was already my table waiting to be read, Orlando is somewhere under the table already started, and Moll Flanders is almost finished, lying somewhere under my bed. That is the book Moll Flanders under my bed, not an actual person.
For Christmas my brother gave me a beautiful blank book. It was too substantial looking to just fill with my endless blathering. He had already given me a recipe journal, and a wine journal, both of which I love. I didn't know what to do with this book. As I was reading over the list I realized that this is exactly what this book is for. It is to hold a reading project that will last more than a few years. I am going to get started right now.
Friday, January 25, 2008
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Four hours before I can eat!
I am forty-four hours into my fast and I am starving. My head is pounding and I am not sure if it is my sinuses or the whole detox thing. It never has made me sick before, but I have heard of it happening to others. I came home from work and went straight in to lie down. My family has went to the high school basketball game and the house is very quiet now. Here I am alone drinking herbal tea and trying to decide weather I should read a book or watch a movie.
Since Tiki is on vacation we had a sub come in to help out today. This lady was very nice and worked hard. Since we were swamped we only took a thirty minute lunch. I wasn't eating so drank my tea while she ate. When I told her I was detoxing she seemed very knowledgeable on alternative health care, which was great because it gave us something to talk about. I am not sure when the exact turning point of the conversation happened, it was subtle, but I slowly realized I found her very scary.
She explained to me how the president has sold us out to the middle east. She talked about how he has proven that we are no longer allies to Israel. Now I am all for disliking our current administration, I take a certain pleasure in it. It was when she went on telling me how everything bad that happened in Israel would be double here in the states that I took notice. She talked of things like earthquakes and hurricanes and how we were doomed. We would probably only have one more election before our country was ruined and past the point of being able to have elections. She offered to send me over a video about the anti-christ. She was a very nice lady, and I was heartened to hear that not all Christian conservatives were backing Bush, however I found her surety on our destruction more than a little frightening. I am not frightened of the destruction she was talking about. What frightened me was the fact that she does represent a part of our population, and a person who is scared is easy to control. If enough of our voters are scared for the future I worry about the kind of choices we will make. Religious fanatics, from any religion, scare me.
Since Tiki is on vacation we had a sub come in to help out today. This lady was very nice and worked hard. Since we were swamped we only took a thirty minute lunch. I wasn't eating so drank my tea while she ate. When I told her I was detoxing she seemed very knowledgeable on alternative health care, which was great because it gave us something to talk about. I am not sure when the exact turning point of the conversation happened, it was subtle, but I slowly realized I found her very scary.
She explained to me how the president has sold us out to the middle east. She talked about how he has proven that we are no longer allies to Israel. Now I am all for disliking our current administration, I take a certain pleasure in it. It was when she went on telling me how everything bad that happened in Israel would be double here in the states that I took notice. She talked of things like earthquakes and hurricanes and how we were doomed. We would probably only have one more election before our country was ruined and past the point of being able to have elections. She offered to send me over a video about the anti-christ. She was a very nice lady, and I was heartened to hear that not all Christian conservatives were backing Bush, however I found her surety on our destruction more than a little frightening. I am not frightened of the destruction she was talking about. What frightened me was the fact that she does represent a part of our population, and a person who is scared is easy to control. If enough of our voters are scared for the future I worry about the kind of choices we will make. Religious fanatics, from any religion, scare me.
Monday, January 21, 2008
48 hour fast
I am not a crazy person, well not totally, yet today I found myself shouting obscenities at my car radio. There is a local morning show that I used to listen to regularly. For a variety of reasons I don't listen much anymore. This morning I dropped my kids off at school, yes literally, and happened to hear the d.j. saying that it was ridiculous to choose a candidate based on gender or race. I didn't know what he was specifically talking about at the time. I shouted "Fuck you Ramon, Fuck you!" very loudly. I do happen to agree with his statement, we should choose our leaders on their ability to lead, it is just that he says things with no consistency. This man is a man that I have heard, more than once, say that he would never vote for a woman president. For him to be judging anyone else on how they choose their candidate is ridiculous.
On a different subject, I am fasting today. Around last Wednesday I decided to do the seven day detox. I did it a few years ago and I felt great when I was done. When to start is always the hard decision. Anna had just told me that her and a few friends were inviting themselves over to my house Saturday night. Sunday is when we have our large family breakfast, so I put it off until today. Last night at ten I decided to go in and have one last meal. What did I choose? A huge bowl of cereal. Wheat and dairy a a large part of my diet;I am going to miss them. Miss Universe is doing it also, she is the one who mentioned it first. This is her first time so I am curious to see how she likes it. I talked to Tams last night and she said she should do it with me again, but I am not sure she will. She is the one who loaned me the book and did it with me a few years ago.
I washed all of my tea pots and put them aside. It is all herbal tea for me now. Tea pots aren't really required for herbal tea since they come in tea bags. All of my wine glasses are washed and snug in their cupboard. Since this seems to be a time of renewal I think I'll season my cast iron skillets tonight. At least once in the winter I like to cover them in shortening and leave them in a 200 degree oven all night. I was washing one of them this morning and the smell of what I had cooked last wafted up to meet me. Yesterday morning I had sliced beef fillets and browned them in olive oil. They were heavily seasoned with salt,pepper, and garlic. I set them aside to be put in omelets. I then poured a few cups of red wine in the skillet to deglaze the pan. I added a can of beef broth and let it cook down into a thick sauce that was perfect to saute mushrooms in. The mushrooms were put into the omelets too. The rich beefy smell coming from the skillet filled my head and made me wonder if this fasting was a silly idea.
On a different subject, I am fasting today. Around last Wednesday I decided to do the seven day detox. I did it a few years ago and I felt great when I was done. When to start is always the hard decision. Anna had just told me that her and a few friends were inviting themselves over to my house Saturday night. Sunday is when we have our large family breakfast, so I put it off until today. Last night at ten I decided to go in and have one last meal. What did I choose? A huge bowl of cereal. Wheat and dairy a a large part of my diet;I am going to miss them. Miss Universe is doing it also, she is the one who mentioned it first. This is her first time so I am curious to see how she likes it. I talked to Tams last night and she said she should do it with me again, but I am not sure she will. She is the one who loaned me the book and did it with me a few years ago.
I washed all of my tea pots and put them aside. It is all herbal tea for me now. Tea pots aren't really required for herbal tea since they come in tea bags. All of my wine glasses are washed and snug in their cupboard. Since this seems to be a time of renewal I think I'll season my cast iron skillets tonight. At least once in the winter I like to cover them in shortening and leave them in a 200 degree oven all night. I was washing one of them this morning and the smell of what I had cooked last wafted up to meet me. Yesterday morning I had sliced beef fillets and browned them in olive oil. They were heavily seasoned with salt,pepper, and garlic. I set them aside to be put in omelets. I then poured a few cups of red wine in the skillet to deglaze the pan. I added a can of beef broth and let it cook down into a thick sauce that was perfect to saute mushrooms in. The mushrooms were put into the omelets too. The rich beefy smell coming from the skillet filled my head and made me wonder if this fasting was a silly idea.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Morning tea
One of the things I miss, since I started working more, is morning tea. On days I work I sleep as late as possible;being awake in the morning is akin to torture for me. my breakfast is usually buttered toast or a banana which I eat while driving as fast as possible to work, and I am still a few minutes late. My tea is too hot to drink until I get there, then if we are busy it goes cold and has to be reheated.
Yesterday I wasn't hungry so I made a large pot of blueberry roobios and drank it throughout the morning. Today I woke up starving. I made a pot of Czar Nicholas. There was still bread left from yesterday so I toasted four slices. After buttering them I covered two with honey and two with strawberry jam. I ate while reading blogs and listening to The Cloud Room. That in my opinion is a perfect morning.
Yesterday morning I had a message on my phone saying Pookie has crawled. I am excited to see this. The message had been sent at midnight. My family is full of night owls; this little guy is no exception. I am going to pick him up now so Fria Chica can take a nap. I hope he will crawl for me.
Yesterday I wasn't hungry so I made a large pot of blueberry roobios and drank it throughout the morning. Today I woke up starving. I made a pot of Czar Nicholas. There was still bread left from yesterday so I toasted four slices. After buttering them I covered two with honey and two with strawberry jam. I ate while reading blogs and listening to The Cloud Room. That in my opinion is a perfect morning.
Yesterday morning I had a message on my phone saying Pookie has crawled. I am excited to see this. The message had been sent at midnight. My family is full of night owls; this little guy is no exception. I am going to pick him up now so Fria Chica can take a nap. I hope he will crawl for me.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Two days off!
Two glorious days off, I am never going to want to go back to work now. Tiki is taking her vacation starting Friday so days off are going to be nonexistent for eight days. Therefore, I am trying to completely enjoy these two. I held my breath Monday and Tuesday expecting the schedule to be changed. My days off were sure to disappear. That has been happening a lot lately;I smile and say no problem, but I hate it. I had thought it would be nice to have a least one of these days home alone, but that isn't going to happen. Huggy Bear is coming over both days while her parents work. I don't mind at all because I miss her. It is also snowing outside, so school may be canceled tomorrow.
Huggy Bear helped me make French bread and start a soup earlier. By the time we were finished she was covered in flour and had to have a bath. I can't believe how much she is talking now, and so clearly too. She was sitting on the table wiping flour onto the floor. When I told her stop she said "No" in a very calm voice. She then picked up a handful and threw it at a cabinet door. "Stop" I said quite firmly. "Fine" She answered in a very preteen way. All of this attitude and she is only two.
All of the great trips I have planned that have fallen through in the last two years,it is a trip to Florida that is really going to happen. Not that I dislike Florida, we just have already done the whole Disneyland thing as a family and I went to Florida on my senior trip. I wanted to go to New York, Canada, or Mexico. Enough of that though. I am sure I will love going to Florida, I enjoyed my last trip there, I just wanted to go somewhere new. This is a group trip, that is why we are going. I agreed to go because I had promised Princess and Curly Top that I would take them to Disney. Now their mother won't let them go, and it would be rude to back out at this point.
Miss Universe and her family are going, which is going to be great. Of all of the people we have vacationed with they are the most fun. The other family going happens to be Godiva,Raul, and their three children. Raul is Miss Universe's brother-in-law, Rolando's younger brother. They are a fun couple, but really I prefer them in small doses. We are all renting a four bedroom house together, if we aren't careful we may end up watching their young ones in large doses. Godiva is also very bossy, and seems to be against splitting up. I have firmly pointed out three times that my children are much older than hers so we aren't going to spend all of our time doing the same things. We are renting separate vehicles just to have an escape if needed. The plane tickets have been bought and the house is paid for. We are going.
I have mentioned before how red this corner of the state is. There happen to be some very vocal conservatives at work that are driving me crazy. Bell brought in an e-mail she had printed off and presented it in a very final-see here-I am right kind of a way. It was that old lame lie about how much the Clinton's get paid in rent from their secret service men. I got as far as printing off the snopes page on the subject, but then I wondered what is more important, being right or having peace in the work place. I haven't decided yet, so I am just avoiding any political conversations. Everybody should have their own opinions and being conservative, is not a crime. I just wish people would at least check out what they read or hear before passing it along.
Huggy Bear helped me make French bread and start a soup earlier. By the time we were finished she was covered in flour and had to have a bath. I can't believe how much she is talking now, and so clearly too. She was sitting on the table wiping flour onto the floor. When I told her stop she said "No" in a very calm voice. She then picked up a handful and threw it at a cabinet door. "Stop" I said quite firmly. "Fine" She answered in a very preteen way. All of this attitude and she is only two.
All of the great trips I have planned that have fallen through in the last two years,it is a trip to Florida that is really going to happen. Not that I dislike Florida, we just have already done the whole Disneyland thing as a family and I went to Florida on my senior trip. I wanted to go to New York, Canada, or Mexico. Enough of that though. I am sure I will love going to Florida, I enjoyed my last trip there, I just wanted to go somewhere new. This is a group trip, that is why we are going. I agreed to go because I had promised Princess and Curly Top that I would take them to Disney. Now their mother won't let them go, and it would be rude to back out at this point.
Miss Universe and her family are going, which is going to be great. Of all of the people we have vacationed with they are the most fun. The other family going happens to be Godiva,Raul, and their three children. Raul is Miss Universe's brother-in-law, Rolando's younger brother. They are a fun couple, but really I prefer them in small doses. We are all renting a four bedroom house together, if we aren't careful we may end up watching their young ones in large doses. Godiva is also very bossy, and seems to be against splitting up. I have firmly pointed out three times that my children are much older than hers so we aren't going to spend all of our time doing the same things. We are renting separate vehicles just to have an escape if needed. The plane tickets have been bought and the house is paid for. We are going.
I have mentioned before how red this corner of the state is. There happen to be some very vocal conservatives at work that are driving me crazy. Bell brought in an e-mail she had printed off and presented it in a very final-see here-I am right kind of a way. It was that old lame lie about how much the Clinton's get paid in rent from their secret service men. I got as far as printing off the snopes page on the subject, but then I wondered what is more important, being right or having peace in the work place. I haven't decided yet, so I am just avoiding any political conversations. Everybody should have their own opinions and being conservative, is not a crime. I just wish people would at least check out what they read or hear before passing it along.
Monday, January 07, 2008
Rambling on about resolutions.
I told myself that I would start doing better at posting regularly. So here I am and I can't think of a thing to say. I'll just rattle on for a minute and see what happens. That whole start posting more wasn't a New Year's resolution, it just happened to come about around the end of last year so it feels like one. I never have really done the whole make resolutions on the 1st and really don't intend to start now.
My life is just feeling really out of balance and I really need to make some changes. The things that mean something to me have been taking back seat to things I really just do because I have to. So I decided to spend more time just hanging out with my kids, to go outside more, to start walking again, to make time to cook more, to spend an hour or two in my room reading every once in a while, and most of all-start working on my house again. Now I have to run. Jason is playing basketball in Balko today so I am off to cheer him on.
My life is just feeling really out of balance and I really need to make some changes. The things that mean something to me have been taking back seat to things I really just do because I have to. So I decided to spend more time just hanging out with my kids, to go outside more, to start walking again, to make time to cook more, to spend an hour or two in my room reading every once in a while, and most of all-start working on my house again. Now I have to run. Jason is playing basketball in Balko today so I am off to cheer him on.
Friday, January 04, 2008
2007 reading list
I wanted to save the list somehow, so here it is in post form.
Books read in 2007.
* Outlander --- Only book on the list that I didn't like.
* Saving fish from drowning
* The Night Watch
* The Worst Hard Time
* Farewell To Arms
* The sweet life
* The secret life of bees
* Jeeves and the song of songs
* Undomestic Goddess
* The Crystal Cave
* Stardust
* American Gods
* Islands In The Stream
* In her Shoes
* Whitethorn Woods
* The Bridge To Terabithia
* The Birth of Britain
* The Sun Also Rises*
* Thursday Next
* A Respectable Trade
* Byron's Poems
* Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
* The Tower of Beowolf
* Kite Runner
* Inkheart
* Robin and the King
* A Long Way Gone
* Marley & Me
* Sherwood
* Dress Your Family in Courderoy and Denim
* Domain
* The Sea, The Sea
* Death Is Not The End
* Heidi*
* The Irish Village Murder
* Woman on the edge of Time
* My Life as a Fake
* The Little Princesses
* The Rum Diary
* The Girl In Hyacinth Blue
* Saint Maybe
* One Day The Ice Will Reveal All Its Dead
* Something Rotten
* The Well Of lost Plots
* Lost in a Good Book
* The Eyre Affair
Books read in 2007.
* Outlander --- Only book on the list that I didn't like.
* Saving fish from drowning
* The Night Watch
* The Worst Hard Time
* Farewell To Arms
* The sweet life
* The secret life of bees
* Jeeves and the song of songs
* Undomestic Goddess
* The Crystal Cave
* Stardust
* American Gods
* Islands In The Stream
* In her Shoes
* Whitethorn Woods
* The Bridge To Terabithia
* The Birth of Britain
* The Sun Also Rises*
* Thursday Next
* A Respectable Trade
* Byron's Poems
* Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
* The Tower of Beowolf
* Kite Runner
* Inkheart
* Robin and the King
* A Long Way Gone
* Marley & Me
* Sherwood
* Dress Your Family in Courderoy and Denim
* Domain
* The Sea, The Sea
* Death Is Not The End
* Heidi*
* The Irish Village Murder
* Woman on the edge of Time
* My Life as a Fake
* The Little Princesses
* The Rum Diary
* The Girl In Hyacinth Blue
* Saint Maybe
* One Day The Ice Will Reveal All Its Dead
* Something Rotten
* The Well Of lost Plots
* Lost in a Good Book
* The Eyre Affair
Forty-six books in 2007
Forty six books finished this year, and only one of them I didn't like. There is low number of rereads this time, only two. As a child there were a few books I read over and over, several times a year. Jacob Have I Loved, The Witch of Blackbird Pond, and The Long Winter are a few that I remember. I have talked to people who say they never reread books. They are missing out. Most books have something new to find in them each time you read them.
I have a stack of books laying in piles around my bed that I have started and at some point intend to finish. They hopefully will be on the list next year. Looking over this year's list it looks like a good reading year. I read less nonfiction than usual, but I got on a fantasy kick for a good part of the year. My love of memoirs isn't represented much either. To start off next year I am already in the middle of a few memoirs.
I was so plowed when I made that last post that all I remember doing was squinting at the post and backspacing to correct the many typing errors. I am glad I posted though, because by morning I had forgot about that conversation until I read it. It made me laugh as I yakked several times on my drive to Wichita. I had picked up the girls a few days after Christmas to spend part of their school vacation with us. The first was the only day I had off to drive them home. At one point I pulled over to throw up and as I was holding it in until I came to a stop it started to come out my nose. That was a nice visual wasn't it? Anyway it took much longer than the usual four hours to make the drive there. I took an hour nap on my sisters couch and felt better when I woke up. The ride home was regurgitation free and went much faster. My i-pod went dead though so I couldn't listen to The Golden Compass on the way home, that sucked.
I have a stack of books laying in piles around my bed that I have started and at some point intend to finish. They hopefully will be on the list next year. Looking over this year's list it looks like a good reading year. I read less nonfiction than usual, but I got on a fantasy kick for a good part of the year. My love of memoirs isn't represented much either. To start off next year I am already in the middle of a few memoirs.
I was so plowed when I made that last post that all I remember doing was squinting at the post and backspacing to correct the many typing errors. I am glad I posted though, because by morning I had forgot about that conversation until I read it. It made me laugh as I yakked several times on my drive to Wichita. I had picked up the girls a few days after Christmas to spend part of their school vacation with us. The first was the only day I had off to drive them home. At one point I pulled over to throw up and as I was holding it in until I came to a stop it started to come out my nose. That was a nice visual wasn't it? Anyway it took much longer than the usual four hours to make the drive there. I took an hour nap on my sisters couch and felt better when I woke up. The ride home was regurgitation free and went much faster. My i-pod went dead though so I couldn't listen to The Golden Compass on the way home, that sucked.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Happy new year!
So how is your new year going? There have been many funny conversations in mine so far. Unfortunately the only one I remember goes something like this.
Fria chica: You know how you said Miss Universe was funny when she was drinking? Well you are even funnier.
Miss universe: Yeah, you aren't being a tight ass bitch.
Unfortunately I think they may be right. I was quite a lot of fun tonight. I am also still worried about my spelling and grammar, so maybe I can be a tight ass bitch sometimes.
Fria chica: You know how you said Miss Universe was funny when she was drinking? Well you are even funnier.
Miss universe: Yeah, you aren't being a tight ass bitch.
Unfortunately I think they may be right. I was quite a lot of fun tonight. I am also still worried about my spelling and grammar, so maybe I can be a tight ass bitch sometimes.
Monday, December 10, 2007
I'm really not in a bitchy mood, this post just sounds like I am
Tonight was the monthly school board meeting. If we talk in depth about personnel I always leave the meeting irritated. There seems to be a trend towards casting anyone who complains as a villain. If teachers, who in our area are usually also taxpayers and parents, complain then they are not being team players. It is okay to then label them as trouble makers and roll our eyes. Sometimes the phrase 'team player' is used to bully people into doing what they are told, instead of letting them raise reasonable objections. Ironically we adopted a bullying policy during the same meeting.
I also heard one of my other pet peeves today at work. It has been cold here for the last few days;tonight we are under a winter storm advisory. So of course I was expecting it to happen sooner or later. I was working quietly, minding my own business, when I heard my boss say, "where are those global warming people at today?". Now I could have pointed out that at lunch time I only wore a sweater, not a coat, and that the ice was melting and falling from the trees. I could also have pointed out that global climate change does not mean that everywhere on the planet will be hot every day. It, to greatly over simplify it, means that as ocean temperatures rise our climates will become more erratic and extreme. I did not say any of these things though, because she is in charge of the schedule, and I was minutes away from asking for a day off next week. Instead I gave a forced chuckle;thank god my back was turned. I then grasped around wildly for a new subject. So yes, my principles will go undefended if I want a day off. Really they go undefended all the time because I find that arguing with these people seldom works. So unless I find myself talking to someone who actually wants to discuss it instead of just quoting the last guy they heard on talk radio I just keep quiet.
I also heard one of my other pet peeves today at work. It has been cold here for the last few days;tonight we are under a winter storm advisory. So of course I was expecting it to happen sooner or later. I was working quietly, minding my own business, when I heard my boss say, "where are those global warming people at today?". Now I could have pointed out that at lunch time I only wore a sweater, not a coat, and that the ice was melting and falling from the trees. I could also have pointed out that global climate change does not mean that everywhere on the planet will be hot every day. It, to greatly over simplify it, means that as ocean temperatures rise our climates will become more erratic and extreme. I did not say any of these things though, because she is in charge of the schedule, and I was minutes away from asking for a day off next week. Instead I gave a forced chuckle;thank god my back was turned. I then grasped around wildly for a new subject. So yes, my principles will go undefended if I want a day off. Really they go undefended all the time because I find that arguing with these people seldom works. So unless I find myself talking to someone who actually wants to discuss it instead of just quoting the last guy they heard on talk radio I just keep quiet.
Wednesday, December 05, 2007
Not much to say
Well I did not reach the goal of 50,000 words. I came close with 48,000 words, about 40,000 of them I am happy with. Not bad, at first I was mad at myself for failing, but I wrote more than I would have if I would never have tried.
Pookie is in the hospital so I stopped in after work and watched him while Fria Chica had a shower. He is so stinkin' adorable. He is a chubby ball of sunshine. He has had bronchitis and wasn't getting enough oxygen so he has to sleep in a tent. He sounds a lot better today.
Not a lot to say really. I'm not even angry about anything! I am tired though, so I am off to bake a cake for the cake raffle, then to bed.
Pookie is in the hospital so I stopped in after work and watched him while Fria Chica had a shower. He is so stinkin' adorable. He is a chubby ball of sunshine. He has had bronchitis and wasn't getting enough oxygen so he has to sleep in a tent. He sounds a lot better today.
Not a lot to say really. I'm not even angry about anything! I am tired though, so I am off to bake a cake for the cake raffle, then to bed.
Tuesday, November 27, 2007
It is late, and I am rambling
I am wasting time instead of writing. My brain needs to recharge before I move on. Somebody please go in and make me another cup of tea.
We went to Jason's fall sports banquet earlier this evening. I am sure there are more boring places to be, but I really can't think of any right now. For the last five years I have had a child playing sports both in the Fall and the Spring, the two times of year they have these things. That means I really should have attended ten of them. So far this is my second.
Lee hates them as much as I do, so he never went to his own banquets, and I sure wasn't going to go if he wasn't. Jason doesn't like them either, so I thought I was going to get out of it again tonight. Dh loves these things, that surely has to be a sign that something is odd, so this year we went to please him. I am glad we don't have to do that again for a few months.
Some days I hate to walk into the school because I know someone will corner me and say 'your on the school board' and then they will go on to complain about something. It isn't that I don't care about the school, or want to hear their opinions, I do. It is just that some days I want to just be a mom, and forget I'm a school board member.
Oh, I forgot to mention that Fria Chica and I found a solution to one of the world's problems on our long drive home the other night. I'm sure it only makes sense late at night, in the state we were in when we thought of in. Here it is: There should be one rule every government in the world has to follow. All religion is personal and can not be encouraged by any government. Churches should be local and not national entities. The U.N. should give up all of its other duties and have an army to enforce this rule. Not peace keeping troops, an army. Before you dissect this, I know it is too vague, and that it gives the U.N. to much power, but in my late night version of the world it would work.
We went to Jason's fall sports banquet earlier this evening. I am sure there are more boring places to be, but I really can't think of any right now. For the last five years I have had a child playing sports both in the Fall and the Spring, the two times of year they have these things. That means I really should have attended ten of them. So far this is my second.
Lee hates them as much as I do, so he never went to his own banquets, and I sure wasn't going to go if he wasn't. Jason doesn't like them either, so I thought I was going to get out of it again tonight. Dh loves these things, that surely has to be a sign that something is odd, so this year we went to please him. I am glad we don't have to do that again for a few months.
Some days I hate to walk into the school because I know someone will corner me and say 'your on the school board' and then they will go on to complain about something. It isn't that I don't care about the school, or want to hear their opinions, I do. It is just that some days I want to just be a mom, and forget I'm a school board member.
Oh, I forgot to mention that Fria Chica and I found a solution to one of the world's problems on our long drive home the other night. I'm sure it only makes sense late at night, in the state we were in when we thought of in. Here it is: There should be one rule every government in the world has to follow. All religion is personal and can not be encouraged by any government. Churches should be local and not national entities. The U.N. should give up all of its other duties and have an army to enforce this rule. Not peace keeping troops, an army. Before you dissect this, I know it is too vague, and that it gives the U.N. to much power, but in my late night version of the world it would work.
Monday, November 26, 2007
Thanksgiving has came and went. It left a huge mess in its wake. My dishes may never get done. Everyday I wash enough to feel like I am ahead, then by the end of the day I am behind again. You can see we aren't one of those families that run in and clean up right after the meal. That would be wasting precious game playing time.
My first trip to Wichita was great. My brother and I talked the whole way there and back. We didn't turn the radio on once. We only spent an hour in Wichita since I wanted to get home to start baking, and he can't sleep in other peoples houses very well anyway. I am glad he went with me, because he kept me from stewing all the way there. Really I can't remember what we talked about, but by the time we reached Drama Queen's apartment I wasn't bitter at all, and my weepiness was gone. Thank goodness, I had already had an embarrassing moment in the library when I teared up for no reason at all.
Saturday Fria chica and I drove the girls back to Wichita. We stayed the night so that we could get up the next day and get ice cream. The book store is across from the ice cream shop so of course we went there next. Surprisingly, I was very good and didn't buy any books for myself. I picked one up for my brother and a few for the kids and that was it. At Chelmsford Teas I picked up a carton of chai seasoning and some orange green tea for my brother. Then I was overwhelmed and couldn't resist trying something new so I bought two oz. of Windsor Castle for myself. Those books are the only Christmas shopping I have done yet.
As I was leaving Wichita the second time it hit me again that somehow Drama Queen brings out the best and the worst in me. When I am around her I want to gather up all of the pieces of her life, fix them, and hand them back to her in a neat package. There is no end to the amount of help I want to give her. I want so much for her to be happy and fulfilled. At the same time I never find myself being so judgmental as I do when I am around her. Really one of the things I try to do is not to judge people, but to accept them as whole people whatever their flaws instead of labeling them good or bad. Yet I walk in and count the empty beer bottles and add them to her list of errors. When she talks about her life I smile and listen but inside my head I snort and wonder how long it will be until she fucks it up. I am not proud of myself for this and someday hope to change this terrible trait.
My first trip to Wichita was great. My brother and I talked the whole way there and back. We didn't turn the radio on once. We only spent an hour in Wichita since I wanted to get home to start baking, and he can't sleep in other peoples houses very well anyway. I am glad he went with me, because he kept me from stewing all the way there. Really I can't remember what we talked about, but by the time we reached Drama Queen's apartment I wasn't bitter at all, and my weepiness was gone. Thank goodness, I had already had an embarrassing moment in the library when I teared up for no reason at all.
Saturday Fria chica and I drove the girls back to Wichita. We stayed the night so that we could get up the next day and get ice cream. The book store is across from the ice cream shop so of course we went there next. Surprisingly, I was very good and didn't buy any books for myself. I picked one up for my brother and a few for the kids and that was it. At Chelmsford Teas I picked up a carton of chai seasoning and some orange green tea for my brother. Then I was overwhelmed and couldn't resist trying something new so I bought two oz. of Windsor Castle for myself. Those books are the only Christmas shopping I have done yet.
As I was leaving Wichita the second time it hit me again that somehow Drama Queen brings out the best and the worst in me. When I am around her I want to gather up all of the pieces of her life, fix them, and hand them back to her in a neat package. There is no end to the amount of help I want to give her. I want so much for her to be happy and fulfilled. At the same time I never find myself being so judgmental as I do when I am around her. Really one of the things I try to do is not to judge people, but to accept them as whole people whatever their flaws instead of labeling them good or bad. Yet I walk in and count the empty beer bottles and add them to her list of errors. When she talks about her life I smile and listen but inside my head I snort and wonder how long it will be until she fucks it up. I am not proud of myself for this and someday hope to change this terrible trait.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Plans are changed
An odd turn of events has given me tomorrow off as well. Now what? I felt like here was God daring me. I said I was just upset because I couldn't see the girls, that I wasn't twelve and wouldn't act like it by being hateful to my sister, but how would I act. It was very hard to swallow my pride, call my sister and ask if I could come and get the girls tonight. I did it though, and she was very nice. She always is when she is getting her own way. It grinds on me that she is getting everything just how she wanted it after throwing a fit. However, I can't wait to see those girls and I will give in for them. I am still crying, and trying like anything to stop before the boys get out of school.
My brother called and sounded like he was in a very good mood. This was a little surprising because this morning my mother had told me he wasn't planning on coming over for Thanksgiving dinner. This is odd, since, like me, he loves the holidays. I have a feeling he was reacting to her just the way I was reacting to Drama Queen, all of our faults are genetic from one source or the other. It turns out Fria Chica talked to him before I did and had smoothed things out a little. This could be a very emotional Thanksgiving. As I was typing that I had a nice thought, so I took a break. I called my brother back and he is going to run to Wichita with me. The only problem is that right before that I was thinking of buying his Christmas present while we were there.
My brother called and sounded like he was in a very good mood. This was a little surprising because this morning my mother had told me he wasn't planning on coming over for Thanksgiving dinner. This is odd, since, like me, he loves the holidays. I have a feeling he was reacting to her just the way I was reacting to Drama Queen, all of our faults are genetic from one source or the other. It turns out Fria Chica talked to him before I did and had smoothed things out a little. This could be a very emotional Thanksgiving. As I was typing that I had a nice thought, so I took a break. I called my brother back and he is going to run to Wichita with me. The only problem is that right before that I was thinking of buying his Christmas present while we were there.
I can't quit crying
I am dangerously far behind on my nano novel. Last night I stayed up late and wrote five thousand words. So if this post seems extra wordy I apologize. Once you get used to making every sentence as long as possible it is hard to stop.
When I did go to bed I couldn't sleep. Not many nights in my adult life have been spent staying up and worrying. I am a champion sleeper. All of the nights that have been have spent awake have been attributed to Drama Queen. Last night was no exception.
For over a week the plan has been for me to drive to Wichita Monday night and bring the girls home Tuesday. They were going to spend Thanksgiving with us and then I would take them home on Saturday. I didn't realize the depth of my missing those girls until the day kept getting closer to seeing them again. I was like a school child in May. I couldn't sit still and smiled at the thought of seeing them again. Some days I could feel their arms around my neck.
More than one person had asked if they were out of school on Tuesday, or if they were just skipping it. As far as I knew they were just skipping it. Looking at our schedules Drama Queen and I had picked out a day that I didn't work and that coincided with her work schedule so she wouldn't have to pay a babysitter this week. She is having babysitter trouble again, and they are always hard to find on holidays. Since she didn't raise any objections to the missed school day I didn't bring it up. The benefits outweighed the missed day as far as I was concerned, and it was the only day I could make the drive.
I had to work Monday. After work I drove quickly to the school to catch the last half of Lee's scholar's bowl meet. When it was over I ran home make a pot of tea and eat a quick waffle for supper. The waffles were left over from Sunday's breakfast. I covered it with strawberry syrup, whipped cream, and mixed berries. You can never go wrong with a Belgian waffle. While I was eating I called Fria Chica to see if she was still going with me. She was. I called Drama Queen to tell her what time I was leaving, and that I would be arriving around midnight.
She seemed surprised. Somehow she had completely forgot our last conversation and thought I was coming Tuesday. I told her there was no way I was going to drive four hours Tuesday morning, then turn around and drive home the same day. Especially with Fria Chica and the baby. Fria Chica had said she wanted to go because Drama Queen has never got to see the baby, but that she didn't want to keep him in a car seat for eight hours in one day. She was only going if we spent the night.
I have made the trip by myself many times. I kind of enjoy the time to think, so if Fria Chica decided not to go it wasn't a big deal to me, but she really wanted to go. Tuesday is my only day off this week, except for Thanksgiving day, so I told Drama Queen it had to be Monday night like we decided. She called me selfish and rude. Whenever I tried to talk she just yelled more insults over my voice. When I did get a chance to talk I probably said the wrong things. Anyway the whole mess ended with her hanging up on me and sending me hateful text messages. I think she likes conversations like that better, because she likes them to be one sided.
Right now the phone is ringing and I am ignoring it. My mother is calling again. She can't stand going to work when there might be some drama going on, so she is at home trying to meddle. She wants to see the girls, but only if I drive up and get them. She mentioned several times last night that she would go today, except she has to work. I have already talked to her this morning, once was enough. She made sure to point out that she wanted to see them at Christmastime, and that Drama Queen said I could come up and get them the day after Christmas. It was really a one sided conversation, because I have nothing more to say on the matter. Last night she wanted to trash Drama Queen and call her a drunk. Today she has talked to D.Q. and wants to discuss the whole situation with me, explain D.Q.'s side of it to me. I've heard, I've read it, I'm done with it. I just don't have the energy. Last night I was upset, but I didn't want to sit around and trash D.Q. It wouldn't make me feel better. Today I just don't have the energy to do anything more than cry and sleep. I am forcing myself to get a few things done, but it is very hard.
Depression is a family trait, but I have been afflicted very little in comparison with most of siblings. My depression is usually started by an event like this. Once I get down it is so hard to get back up again, but I usually bounce back in a few days.
I say usually, because once it did take me six months to pull out of the funk. I slept ten hours a night and took at least one nap during the day. When I fell asleep while stretched out on the floor, reading a book to Lane, I told myself this is enough. It still took me several months to get back to normal, but I did get back. I credit reading to pulling me out.
It was a point when my children were still young, but I had a bit more free time. If you are not careful at this point you will assess your life, and you may find a lack. I did, but I couldn't quite figure out what was missing. I wanted to run away from home. There was a need to be myself. My brother gave me a gift. It was Bella Tuscany by Frances Mayes.
After Lee was born my life became about him. Then Jason came, two years later Lane was born. Until that year, when Lane was four, my life was full of them. I'm not complaining I loved it. Then suddenly there was a little space and I couldn't remember how to fill myself up. It had been too long since I had done it. I didn't even know who I was. The lost feeling overwhelmed me.
As I read first this book, and then more books, I started to remember who I was. I also began to grow again as a person. My children are still the most important aspect of my life, but they are who they are, and I am myself.
Right now I am a woman who misses her nieces so much. I am a woman who is wondering if she is doing the right think by not jumping in her car and driving to get them right now. All morning I have questioned my resolve to not be bullied. It has taken me many years to learn not give in to pressure when I know I am right, but part of me wants to chuck all of that and call, apologize, and drive to get them. Even if I have to give up things important to me, and go to work tomorrow with no sleep.
When I did go to bed I couldn't sleep. Not many nights in my adult life have been spent staying up and worrying. I am a champion sleeper. All of the nights that have been have spent awake have been attributed to Drama Queen. Last night was no exception.
For over a week the plan has been for me to drive to Wichita Monday night and bring the girls home Tuesday. They were going to spend Thanksgiving with us and then I would take them home on Saturday. I didn't realize the depth of my missing those girls until the day kept getting closer to seeing them again. I was like a school child in May. I couldn't sit still and smiled at the thought of seeing them again. Some days I could feel their arms around my neck.
More than one person had asked if they were out of school on Tuesday, or if they were just skipping it. As far as I knew they were just skipping it. Looking at our schedules Drama Queen and I had picked out a day that I didn't work and that coincided with her work schedule so she wouldn't have to pay a babysitter this week. She is having babysitter trouble again, and they are always hard to find on holidays. Since she didn't raise any objections to the missed school day I didn't bring it up. The benefits outweighed the missed day as far as I was concerned, and it was the only day I could make the drive.
I had to work Monday. After work I drove quickly to the school to catch the last half of Lee's scholar's bowl meet. When it was over I ran home make a pot of tea and eat a quick waffle for supper. The waffles were left over from Sunday's breakfast. I covered it with strawberry syrup, whipped cream, and mixed berries. You can never go wrong with a Belgian waffle. While I was eating I called Fria Chica to see if she was still going with me. She was. I called Drama Queen to tell her what time I was leaving, and that I would be arriving around midnight.
She seemed surprised. Somehow she had completely forgot our last conversation and thought I was coming Tuesday. I told her there was no way I was going to drive four hours Tuesday morning, then turn around and drive home the same day. Especially with Fria Chica and the baby. Fria Chica had said she wanted to go because Drama Queen has never got to see the baby, but that she didn't want to keep him in a car seat for eight hours in one day. She was only going if we spent the night.
I have made the trip by myself many times. I kind of enjoy the time to think, so if Fria Chica decided not to go it wasn't a big deal to me, but she really wanted to go. Tuesday is my only day off this week, except for Thanksgiving day, so I told Drama Queen it had to be Monday night like we decided. She called me selfish and rude. Whenever I tried to talk she just yelled more insults over my voice. When I did get a chance to talk I probably said the wrong things. Anyway the whole mess ended with her hanging up on me and sending me hateful text messages. I think she likes conversations like that better, because she likes them to be one sided.
Right now the phone is ringing and I am ignoring it. My mother is calling again. She can't stand going to work when there might be some drama going on, so she is at home trying to meddle. She wants to see the girls, but only if I drive up and get them. She mentioned several times last night that she would go today, except she has to work. I have already talked to her this morning, once was enough. She made sure to point out that she wanted to see them at Christmastime, and that Drama Queen said I could come up and get them the day after Christmas. It was really a one sided conversation, because I have nothing more to say on the matter. Last night she wanted to trash Drama Queen and call her a drunk. Today she has talked to D.Q. and wants to discuss the whole situation with me, explain D.Q.'s side of it to me. I've heard, I've read it, I'm done with it. I just don't have the energy. Last night I was upset, but I didn't want to sit around and trash D.Q. It wouldn't make me feel better. Today I just don't have the energy to do anything more than cry and sleep. I am forcing myself to get a few things done, but it is very hard.
Depression is a family trait, but I have been afflicted very little in comparison with most of siblings. My depression is usually started by an event like this. Once I get down it is so hard to get back up again, but I usually bounce back in a few days.
I say usually, because once it did take me six months to pull out of the funk. I slept ten hours a night and took at least one nap during the day. When I fell asleep while stretched out on the floor, reading a book to Lane, I told myself this is enough. It still took me several months to get back to normal, but I did get back. I credit reading to pulling me out.
It was a point when my children were still young, but I had a bit more free time. If you are not careful at this point you will assess your life, and you may find a lack. I did, but I couldn't quite figure out what was missing. I wanted to run away from home. There was a need to be myself. My brother gave me a gift. It was Bella Tuscany by Frances Mayes.
After Lee was born my life became about him. Then Jason came, two years later Lane was born. Until that year, when Lane was four, my life was full of them. I'm not complaining I loved it. Then suddenly there was a little space and I couldn't remember how to fill myself up. It had been too long since I had done it. I didn't even know who I was. The lost feeling overwhelmed me.
As I read first this book, and then more books, I started to remember who I was. I also began to grow again as a person. My children are still the most important aspect of my life, but they are who they are, and I am myself.
Right now I am a woman who misses her nieces so much. I am a woman who is wondering if she is doing the right think by not jumping in her car and driving to get them right now. All morning I have questioned my resolve to not be bullied. It has taken me many years to learn not give in to pressure when I know I am right, but part of me wants to chuck all of that and call, apologize, and drive to get them. Even if I have to give up things important to me, and go to work tomorrow with no sleep.
Wednesday, November 14, 2007
I am a stay at home feminist
I thought I was done here, that I had nothing to say other than to list activities that I am planning to do, but will very likely not finish. So instead of making a boring post I searched Dobson and lies together. What I found myself caught up in was an argument about stay at home moms. This is a charged subject for women of the childbearing age. Both sides that I read today had it wrong.
When I had children I wanted to stay home with them, not for the benefits it would give them, but for what it would give me. Children are only yours, truly yours, for a short time. If you don't think eighteen years is a short period of time, have a child. In that first year so much happens and it doesn't slow down until that child is grown and out of your house. I didn't want to miss any of this time. When my children were little I took them almost everywhere with me. I ran a daycare out of my home so I could contribute to the household income without leaving them. I loved everyday that we spent together. Now I am back to work. The boys are older.
Strange things are happening, I went over twenty-four hours without talking to Jason this week. I dropped him off at school Monday morning. He left school that day on a bus for a basketball game. I was at a school board meeting when he got home. He was asleep when I got home. I peeked in and watched him sleep before I went to work Tuesday. He had a home game that night. I sat in the stands and watched. We didn't talk at all until after the game which was around eight that night. I am so glad I had the years I did with him.
One day a friend, who also stayed home with her son until he started school, commented on my decision to stay home and watch both of my sisters kids while they went back to school. Someone else mentioned that it was nice that my sisters could work and go back to school because I helped them with free child care. Both of my sisters now have degrees and are doing well in their careers, and I am so proud of them. My friend said, 'Yeah, but she (meaning me) is still at the same spot.' Monetarily I was at the same spot, but I have a better relationship with my nieces and nephews than most people do. I don't just love them because they are my sisters kids, I love them because they a people I have spent huge amounts of time with. My sisters know that there is someone else in the world who loves their children a great deal. Knowing this is peace of mind for a parent. I too have that same peace of mind because of the close family ties this arrangement has made. When Lee left on his trip to Europe last summer Miss Universe cried as much as I did. If the goal, and mine is, is to love life and be surrounded by people I love, I am so much further ahead than most people I know.
This whole subject has not been brought up so I can convince others to stay at home with their children, or to say people who made the choice to go back to work are wrong. It is to say that every person, regardless of their sex, should be able to make the decision that is best for them and be supported. I am a feminist. Women should have equal rights under the law, in the workplace, and at home as a man.
When my brother decided to stay at home with his children he didn't have to face the accusation of derailing a whole movement. It was said of him, and men like him, that it was great that we lived in an enlightened society that didn't see raising children as only women's work. I agree with this statement, but why should men, even at home, have the advantage? He didn't have to defend his decision. Women should not have to defend their decision to stay at home either.
As for the statement that suggested that mothers choosing to stay at home could lead to an all male supreme court or congress, well that is a bit far fetched. Every mom is not going to choose to stay at home. Not every woman is going to choose to have children, and mothers who do choose to stay at home will most likely re-enter the workforce after their children go to school. All of these women should be supported and applauded for making choices that work best for them instead of just accepting whatever rules society lays out for them.
As for the other side, that instead of using well thought out arguments tries insulting their opponent, well they aren't even worth listening to. They aren't trying to help stay-at-home moms they are just trying to use them as a weapon to tear down all that the women's movement has fought for. They said the woman speaker could have come straight out of the 60's or 70's and used the term 'old time bra burning feminist' as an insult. As a woman I applaud those feminist from the 60's and 70's. It took strength to burn your bra when women were supposed to be standing behind their man. If not for those 'old time' feminists we would not be where we are today and I won't let their legacy become an insult. Hooray to all women from the ones who burned their bras to the ones who stay at home and raise children because they choose to.
When I had children I wanted to stay home with them, not for the benefits it would give them, but for what it would give me. Children are only yours, truly yours, for a short time. If you don't think eighteen years is a short period of time, have a child. In that first year so much happens and it doesn't slow down until that child is grown and out of your house. I didn't want to miss any of this time. When my children were little I took them almost everywhere with me. I ran a daycare out of my home so I could contribute to the household income without leaving them. I loved everyday that we spent together. Now I am back to work. The boys are older.
Strange things are happening, I went over twenty-four hours without talking to Jason this week. I dropped him off at school Monday morning. He left school that day on a bus for a basketball game. I was at a school board meeting when he got home. He was asleep when I got home. I peeked in and watched him sleep before I went to work Tuesday. He had a home game that night. I sat in the stands and watched. We didn't talk at all until after the game which was around eight that night. I am so glad I had the years I did with him.
One day a friend, who also stayed home with her son until he started school, commented on my decision to stay home and watch both of my sisters kids while they went back to school. Someone else mentioned that it was nice that my sisters could work and go back to school because I helped them with free child care. Both of my sisters now have degrees and are doing well in their careers, and I am so proud of them. My friend said, 'Yeah, but she (meaning me) is still at the same spot.' Monetarily I was at the same spot, but I have a better relationship with my nieces and nephews than most people do. I don't just love them because they are my sisters kids, I love them because they a people I have spent huge amounts of time with. My sisters know that there is someone else in the world who loves their children a great deal. Knowing this is peace of mind for a parent. I too have that same peace of mind because of the close family ties this arrangement has made. When Lee left on his trip to Europe last summer Miss Universe cried as much as I did. If the goal, and mine is, is to love life and be surrounded by people I love, I am so much further ahead than most people I know.
This whole subject has not been brought up so I can convince others to stay at home with their children, or to say people who made the choice to go back to work are wrong. It is to say that every person, regardless of their sex, should be able to make the decision that is best for them and be supported. I am a feminist. Women should have equal rights under the law, in the workplace, and at home as a man.
When my brother decided to stay at home with his children he didn't have to face the accusation of derailing a whole movement. It was said of him, and men like him, that it was great that we lived in an enlightened society that didn't see raising children as only women's work. I agree with this statement, but why should men, even at home, have the advantage? He didn't have to defend his decision. Women should not have to defend their decision to stay at home either.
As for the statement that suggested that mothers choosing to stay at home could lead to an all male supreme court or congress, well that is a bit far fetched. Every mom is not going to choose to stay at home. Not every woman is going to choose to have children, and mothers who do choose to stay at home will most likely re-enter the workforce after their children go to school. All of these women should be supported and applauded for making choices that work best for them instead of just accepting whatever rules society lays out for them.
As for the other side, that instead of using well thought out arguments tries insulting their opponent, well they aren't even worth listening to. They aren't trying to help stay-at-home moms they are just trying to use them as a weapon to tear down all that the women's movement has fought for. They said the woman speaker could have come straight out of the 60's or 70's and used the term 'old time bra burning feminist' as an insult. As a woman I applaud those feminist from the 60's and 70's. It took strength to burn your bra when women were supposed to be standing behind their man. If not for those 'old time' feminists we would not be where we are today and I won't let their legacy become an insult. Hooray to all women from the ones who burned their bras to the ones who stay at home and raise children because they choose to.
Sunday, November 11, 2007
Jason running in his underwear
Last night was the birthday party. The coat we had ordered as a present wasn't here yet. So I wrapped up the jumper I had bought her baby and gave it to Fria Chica as a gift. We also gave her the order receipt we had printed off so she knows what is coming soon. At one point late in the party Jason came in from the kitchen and starting taking his clothes off. When asked to explain this strange behavior he told us he had lost a bet.
Rolando had bet both Jason and Raul, Rolando's little brother (about 25), that he could take the cork out of and empty wine bottle. It was a cork he had shoved all the way in for the bet. He told them he could do this using nothing but a plastic grocery sack.
Rolando got the cork out by slipping the sack inside the bottle and blowing it up. Jason payed up when he lost by running in his underwear to the post office and back. The post office is two blocks from Miss Universe's and Rolando's house. He is lucky that we are having such a mild winter;it is still around forty degrees out last night.
Raul never did run, or strip for that matter. He insisted that Rolando had failed to pay up on similar bet. Godiva, Raul's wife, insisted that they both should make the run to even it out. That never happened. Many times through the rest of the night Lee and Godiva pointed out that the only man in the room was Jason, a thirteen year old boy. Rolando and Raul both willingly admitted that they weren't men and were okay with the shame.
It was a good night. We had too much pasta and bread, just the right amount of wine, and lots of laughs. I had never mad pesto before and was really pleased with the results. Although it may have been easier in a food processor than a blender. I added a food processor to my Christmas list.
Speaking of Christmas. There are few people around here that are really against the Eid stamp. I'm sure this comes from the stupid e-mail that is going around or an even more stupid radio station. A radio station that is supposed to be about Christianity, but instead uses that as its cover to bind people together through hate and prejudice. Anyway I mentioned the other day that I was going to use them on my Christmas cards and got, not just one, but two lectures on the subject of why it is wrong for the postal service to make these stamps.
What is funny is that I was only suggesting this as a way to help out our Postmaster. She gets Eid stamps every year, but since we have a very low Muslim population they are hard to sell and she has a lot left after the holidays. I am not a huge fan of the knitted sweater stamps, but love the blue and gold of the Eid stamp. It seemed like a good solution. I am now thinking about specifically sending cards with this stamp to the two people who lectured me, and everybody else I know that believes whatever propaganda crap they hear on the radio or read on their e-mail. Come on Christian Americans think for yourself, act Christ like, read your bible instead of believing everything Dobson and his gang say. They are trying to steal freedom not give it.
Rolando had bet both Jason and Raul, Rolando's little brother (about 25), that he could take the cork out of and empty wine bottle. It was a cork he had shoved all the way in for the bet. He told them he could do this using nothing but a plastic grocery sack.
Rolando got the cork out by slipping the sack inside the bottle and blowing it up. Jason payed up when he lost by running in his underwear to the post office and back. The post office is two blocks from Miss Universe's and Rolando's house. He is lucky that we are having such a mild winter;it is still around forty degrees out last night.
Raul never did run, or strip for that matter. He insisted that Rolando had failed to pay up on similar bet. Godiva, Raul's wife, insisted that they both should make the run to even it out. That never happened. Many times through the rest of the night Lee and Godiva pointed out that the only man in the room was Jason, a thirteen year old boy. Rolando and Raul both willingly admitted that they weren't men and were okay with the shame.
It was a good night. We had too much pasta and bread, just the right amount of wine, and lots of laughs. I had never mad pesto before and was really pleased with the results. Although it may have been easier in a food processor than a blender. I added a food processor to my Christmas list.
Speaking of Christmas. There are few people around here that are really against the Eid stamp. I'm sure this comes from the stupid e-mail that is going around or an even more stupid radio station. A radio station that is supposed to be about Christianity, but instead uses that as its cover to bind people together through hate and prejudice. Anyway I mentioned the other day that I was going to use them on my Christmas cards and got, not just one, but two lectures on the subject of why it is wrong for the postal service to make these stamps.
What is funny is that I was only suggesting this as a way to help out our Postmaster. She gets Eid stamps every year, but since we have a very low Muslim population they are hard to sell and she has a lot left after the holidays. I am not a huge fan of the knitted sweater stamps, but love the blue and gold of the Eid stamp. It seemed like a good solution. I am now thinking about specifically sending cards with this stamp to the two people who lectured me, and everybody else I know that believes whatever propaganda crap they hear on the radio or read on their e-mail. Come on Christian Americans think for yourself, act Christ like, read your bible instead of believing everything Dobson and his gang say. They are trying to steal freedom not give it.
Wednesday, November 07, 2007
penis vs vagina they are only words
Yesterday was Fria Chica's birthday. We are celebrating Saturday with a dinner. Miss Universe and I have went through several possible menu ideas before settling on a pasta night. I am making brioche, spinach pesto, pasta puttanesca, spaghetti cabonara, and linquine w/red clam sauce. Miss Universe is making linguine w/chicken alfredo sauce, and spaghetti w/meatballs. Can you tell we love pasta?
My brother stopped by last night and ate supper with us. I whined about my nano novel to him and he was very sympathetic. He used to live with me. When he moved out he still lived in the area for years. Now he lives in Guymon and it seems like I never see him. Stupid jobs. I have his name for Christmas and instead of having trouble thinking of something to give I am having trouble narrowing down the list I have. I am already in the holiday spirit this year.
At work the other day I heard what has to be, to me, the most despicable phrase in human language. "I would do it but my husband would kill me." She was talking about dying her hair. WTF! As an adult it is my firm belief that my hair is my hair. When will women quit letting their husbands act like their fathers. I wont go on for long about this but I have to say that they won't stop treating us like children until we insist that they do. Women dye your hair, cut it, shave it, let it grow whatever you want. If you honestly believe your spouse will kill you it may be time to rethink the whole spouse idea. Equality means we all get to think of ourselves as adults not just those of us with penises.
Along those same lines I have been thinking for years about the word vagina. I know the monologues and other feminist attempts have made the word a little more mainstream but in the household it is still treated like an unspeakable word. With my children I used the anatomically correct word instead of pee pee I taught them to say penis. I often wondered if I would have had the strength to do the same if I would have had daughter. None of the women I know who have daughters do. A few years ago I was driving on an empty highway with a lot of time to think. I started wondering about this. The word penis is thrown around pretty carelessly. Penis head and penis breath are common insults. At that time I had never heard anyone call out vagina head as an insult. That surely has to be a sign of the different status of the two words. This was a few years ago and I haven't given the subject much thought since then. Just the other day I overheard Lee calling somebody a vagina face. I was a bit irritated at first. Why should a part of the female anatomy be used in an insult. Before I said anything out loud I remembered that lonely highway and thinking that this kind of an insult would be a good sign. Since then I have heard him use the phrase again and again. Maybe this is a sign. Could the word finally be becoming just another word that describes a body part? Have we moved out of the unspeakable stage? I hope so.
I remember the first time I really gave thought to how mothers react to the vagina. It was in the middle of an interesting conversation. I was talking to a mother of three girls. I of course had three boys. She was saying how she hated cowboy hats. She couldn't understand why a man would want to put something that looked like a female body part on his head. "A female body part?" I asked. "Yeah, you have boys but believe me," Here she lowered her voice. "When you change a girl and you see 'her' it is really ugly." We still have a long way to go.
My brother stopped by last night and ate supper with us. I whined about my nano novel to him and he was very sympathetic. He used to live with me. When he moved out he still lived in the area for years. Now he lives in Guymon and it seems like I never see him. Stupid jobs. I have his name for Christmas and instead of having trouble thinking of something to give I am having trouble narrowing down the list I have. I am already in the holiday spirit this year.
At work the other day I heard what has to be, to me, the most despicable phrase in human language. "I would do it but my husband would kill me." She was talking about dying her hair. WTF! As an adult it is my firm belief that my hair is my hair. When will women quit letting their husbands act like their fathers. I wont go on for long about this but I have to say that they won't stop treating us like children until we insist that they do. Women dye your hair, cut it, shave it, let it grow whatever you want. If you honestly believe your spouse will kill you it may be time to rethink the whole spouse idea. Equality means we all get to think of ourselves as adults not just those of us with penises.
Along those same lines I have been thinking for years about the word vagina. I know the monologues and other feminist attempts have made the word a little more mainstream but in the household it is still treated like an unspeakable word. With my children I used the anatomically correct word instead of pee pee I taught them to say penis. I often wondered if I would have had the strength to do the same if I would have had daughter. None of the women I know who have daughters do. A few years ago I was driving on an empty highway with a lot of time to think. I started wondering about this. The word penis is thrown around pretty carelessly. Penis head and penis breath are common insults. At that time I had never heard anyone call out vagina head as an insult. That surely has to be a sign of the different status of the two words. This was a few years ago and I haven't given the subject much thought since then. Just the other day I overheard Lee calling somebody a vagina face. I was a bit irritated at first. Why should a part of the female anatomy be used in an insult. Before I said anything out loud I remembered that lonely highway and thinking that this kind of an insult would be a good sign. Since then I have heard him use the phrase again and again. Maybe this is a sign. Could the word finally be becoming just another word that describes a body part? Have we moved out of the unspeakable stage? I hope so.
I remember the first time I really gave thought to how mothers react to the vagina. It was in the middle of an interesting conversation. I was talking to a mother of three girls. I of course had three boys. She was saying how she hated cowboy hats. She couldn't understand why a man would want to put something that looked like a female body part on his head. "A female body part?" I asked. "Yeah, you have boys but believe me," Here she lowered her voice. "When you change a girl and you see 'her' it is really ugly." We still have a long way to go.
Tuesday, November 06, 2007
I am still in shock over what has happened to my novel today. I was way behind this morning when I started. After writing 3,000 words today I was still behind but a lot closer to being caught up. Somehow today, and I'm still not sure how, I deleted the whole thing. I can't find it anywhere.
My sister Fria Chica was here when it happened. She was actually the one on the computer when it happened. I sent her over to read what I had wrote. She tried to open it but a warning came up saying it was already open. Since I had just closed it right before she arrived I rashly told her to click yes and open it anyway. Now it is gone. I actually felt tears coming to my eyes, but I banished them out of fear of making her feel guilty. It wasn't her fault at all, but I was afraid if acted too concerned it would make her feel bad. I forced the whole thing out of my head. We went for a five mile walk. Pooky, her baby was bundled and slept the whole way in his stroller. The wind was cold and Fria Chica lost her breath. Neither of us had thought to bring an inhaler. I was pretty worried about her; She was having trouble taking any deep breaths. My asthma hasn't been giving me problems for the last few years. Listening to her I could remember how tiring it was to fight for every breath. How hopeless it felt to be away from home and have to keep walking, every thought focused on getting to an inhaler. It made my problem seem very small. When we got back here I dusted off my inhaler for her to use. Then I rushed to my computer to search for the missing file. It is gone. Now that she has went home to rest and I know I have to start over I feel like giving up.
My sister Fria Chica was here when it happened. She was actually the one on the computer when it happened. I sent her over to read what I had wrote. She tried to open it but a warning came up saying it was already open. Since I had just closed it right before she arrived I rashly told her to click yes and open it anyway. Now it is gone. I actually felt tears coming to my eyes, but I banished them out of fear of making her feel guilty. It wasn't her fault at all, but I was afraid if acted too concerned it would make her feel bad. I forced the whole thing out of my head. We went for a five mile walk. Pooky, her baby was bundled and slept the whole way in his stroller. The wind was cold and Fria Chica lost her breath. Neither of us had thought to bring an inhaler. I was pretty worried about her; She was having trouble taking any deep breaths. My asthma hasn't been giving me problems for the last few years. Listening to her I could remember how tiring it was to fight for every breath. How hopeless it felt to be away from home and have to keep walking, every thought focused on getting to an inhaler. It made my problem seem very small. When we got back here I dusted off my inhaler for her to use. Then I rushed to my computer to search for the missing file. It is gone. Now that she has went home to rest and I know I have to start over I feel like giving up.
Thursday, November 01, 2007
The Worst Hard Time
1,667 words a day will be a 50,000 word novel in 30 days. Not a good novel, by any stretch of the imagination, but a novel. Last year I didn't succeed. There were two reasons, one, the one I openly blame it on, is that Drama Queen ran in to a bit of trouble last November and I spent too much time on the road trying to help her out so I didn't have time to finish. The other is that I tried writing a story that was just too much for my small amount of skill. The year before I finished a few days early and had a story I really liked. This year I am going with a nice simple story and have full expectations of finishing. I have wrote 1,982 words so far. I may try to find a way to keep a word count on this blog.
I finished reading The Worst Hard Time yesterday. Every few minutes my mind strays back to the book. I may need to read it again or something else on the same subject. It is a non-fiction account of the dust bowl days; something I should know more about. Most of the books I read take place far away from here. When I picked up this book it didn't occur to me I would be reading about my own area, I just liked the cover and title. At first while I read I romanticized the setting of the story and found myself walking outside to really notice and enjoy the wide open space we have here.
As a child I romanticized the plains when I read Little House On The Prairie. I romanticized the locations of almost every book I read, I still do. Whenever I read a book I wanted to go there. I want to walk around and feel the air, smell the smells, experience the hard times as well as feel the sun shine on my face. This was how it was when I read Heidi, Anne of Green Gables, Jacob Have I Loved, and really any book.
As the book progressed and the depression worsened I grew amazingly scared. I heard it said once that if it went long enough without raining it could happen again and on some distant level I believed that. I also knew on that same distant level that we had caused the dust to fly. Reading about it in such detail I realized that our greed and lack of foresight was the main cause, not ignorance. There were voices of warning before and during the great plow-up. People chasing money never listen to words of caution. It is very scary.
Another thing that I didn't realize is that the grasslands are still in the rebuilding stage, and that it could take hundreds more years to for them to completely heal. I am simple in some ways. I thought we had just ran in planted some grass and trees and problem solved. Beyond that I never gave it much thought. Which is sad since I have been caught out driving in dust storms. Once, years ago, I was driving on the highway north of town when suddenly all I could see was dust and the occasional piece of corn stalk that scraped my window as it flew by. We don't really have shoulders on much of the roads out here so I was afraid to pull over. I was afraid to slow down too much for fear of being hit from behind. I couldn't drive very fast though because I could only barely make out the white line for a few feet in front of me. My kids were sleeping in the back seat and this was about the most tense half hour in my life. You would have to magnify this experience by 100 to get anything near what the people endured here during the thirties, but it does show that our dirt does still blow some days.
The scariest part is that we are now using our water supply just as flagrantly as they used the soil back then. There are voices of warning and we give lip service to water conservation, but nothing is really being done. Without our ground water we would be back at the mercy of the sky for our water and we have seen how fickle the sky can be.
Read this book it is informative, entertaining, and a word of caution to us all.
I finished reading The Worst Hard Time yesterday. Every few minutes my mind strays back to the book. I may need to read it again or something else on the same subject. It is a non-fiction account of the dust bowl days; something I should know more about. Most of the books I read take place far away from here. When I picked up this book it didn't occur to me I would be reading about my own area, I just liked the cover and title. At first while I read I romanticized the setting of the story and found myself walking outside to really notice and enjoy the wide open space we have here.
As a child I romanticized the plains when I read Little House On The Prairie. I romanticized the locations of almost every book I read, I still do. Whenever I read a book I wanted to go there. I want to walk around and feel the air, smell the smells, experience the hard times as well as feel the sun shine on my face. This was how it was when I read Heidi, Anne of Green Gables, Jacob Have I Loved, and really any book.
As the book progressed and the depression worsened I grew amazingly scared. I heard it said once that if it went long enough without raining it could happen again and on some distant level I believed that. I also knew on that same distant level that we had caused the dust to fly. Reading about it in such detail I realized that our greed and lack of foresight was the main cause, not ignorance. There were voices of warning before and during the great plow-up. People chasing money never listen to words of caution. It is very scary.
Another thing that I didn't realize is that the grasslands are still in the rebuilding stage, and that it could take hundreds more years to for them to completely heal. I am simple in some ways. I thought we had just ran in planted some grass and trees and problem solved. Beyond that I never gave it much thought. Which is sad since I have been caught out driving in dust storms. Once, years ago, I was driving on the highway north of town when suddenly all I could see was dust and the occasional piece of corn stalk that scraped my window as it flew by. We don't really have shoulders on much of the roads out here so I was afraid to pull over. I was afraid to slow down too much for fear of being hit from behind. I couldn't drive very fast though because I could only barely make out the white line for a few feet in front of me. My kids were sleeping in the back seat and this was about the most tense half hour in my life. You would have to magnify this experience by 100 to get anything near what the people endured here during the thirties, but it does show that our dirt does still blow some days.
The scariest part is that we are now using our water supply just as flagrantly as they used the soil back then. There are voices of warning and we give lip service to water conservation, but nothing is really being done. Without our ground water we would be back at the mercy of the sky for our water and we have seen how fickle the sky can be.
Read this book it is informative, entertaining, and a word of caution to us all.
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