All day at work yesterday something was haunting me. At first I couldn't put my finger on what it was. I was functioning fine, talking and laughing with co-workers, and doing my work at an acceptable speed. Something just didn't feel right. Slowly it hit me, I was home sick. Not my normal kind of homesick. I often think about me house and what I would be doing if I were at home. I am a homebody, but this was different. I was homesick for Middle Earth.
Now I know some people will never understand this, but I am sure I am not alone in this feeling. Lee, Jason, and I had started watching LOTR the night before. We are planning to watch them all three over again as time allows. The problem with the movies is that they make me want to spend a day laying around immersed in the book. The problem with the book is that it makes me want to move to Middle Earth, which is unfeasible at the moment. To be a hobbit, a simple life of helping things grow, eating, smoking, drinking and eating again, seems idyllic to me right now. The question that holds me is how do we get back to that simple life with out losing all of the wonderful advances that have came into society? Of course I would need to go out on a few adventures now and again, maybe steal from a dragon or two.
Thursday, January 31, 2008
Friday, January 25, 2008
More time alone
Here I am stealing a bit of time to myself again. Some days it hits me that there will come a time when I will be alone a lot more. I wonder if I will like it? Most of the town is at the school tonight for the homecoming game. My kids are there hanging out with their friends. They don't have time for me tonight, if I were a less selfish mother I would be upset, I am so relieved.
I was reading through the list of 1001 books you must read before you die and realized I had already read over forty of them. Well, I might as well finish, I thought. Middlesex was already my table waiting to be read, Orlando is somewhere under the table already started, and Moll Flanders is almost finished, lying somewhere under my bed. That is the book Moll Flanders under my bed, not an actual person.
For Christmas my brother gave me a beautiful blank book. It was too substantial looking to just fill with my endless blathering. He had already given me a recipe journal, and a wine journal, both of which I love. I didn't know what to do with this book. As I was reading over the list I realized that this is exactly what this book is for. It is to hold a reading project that will last more than a few years. I am going to get started right now.
I was reading through the list of 1001 books you must read before you die and realized I had already read over forty of them. Well, I might as well finish, I thought. Middlesex was already my table waiting to be read, Orlando is somewhere under the table already started, and Moll Flanders is almost finished, lying somewhere under my bed. That is the book Moll Flanders under my bed, not an actual person.
For Christmas my brother gave me a beautiful blank book. It was too substantial looking to just fill with my endless blathering. He had already given me a recipe journal, and a wine journal, both of which I love. I didn't know what to do with this book. As I was reading over the list I realized that this is exactly what this book is for. It is to hold a reading project that will last more than a few years. I am going to get started right now.
Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Four hours before I can eat!
I am forty-four hours into my fast and I am starving. My head is pounding and I am not sure if it is my sinuses or the whole detox thing. It never has made me sick before, but I have heard of it happening to others. I came home from work and went straight in to lie down. My family has went to the high school basketball game and the house is very quiet now. Here I am alone drinking herbal tea and trying to decide weather I should read a book or watch a movie.
Since Tiki is on vacation we had a sub come in to help out today. This lady was very nice and worked hard. Since we were swamped we only took a thirty minute lunch. I wasn't eating so drank my tea while she ate. When I told her I was detoxing she seemed very knowledgeable on alternative health care, which was great because it gave us something to talk about. I am not sure when the exact turning point of the conversation happened, it was subtle, but I slowly realized I found her very scary.
She explained to me how the president has sold us out to the middle east. She talked about how he has proven that we are no longer allies to Israel. Now I am all for disliking our current administration, I take a certain pleasure in it. It was when she went on telling me how everything bad that happened in Israel would be double here in the states that I took notice. She talked of things like earthquakes and hurricanes and how we were doomed. We would probably only have one more election before our country was ruined and past the point of being able to have elections. She offered to send me over a video about the anti-christ. She was a very nice lady, and I was heartened to hear that not all Christian conservatives were backing Bush, however I found her surety on our destruction more than a little frightening. I am not frightened of the destruction she was talking about. What frightened me was the fact that she does represent a part of our population, and a person who is scared is easy to control. If enough of our voters are scared for the future I worry about the kind of choices we will make. Religious fanatics, from any religion, scare me.
Since Tiki is on vacation we had a sub come in to help out today. This lady was very nice and worked hard. Since we were swamped we only took a thirty minute lunch. I wasn't eating so drank my tea while she ate. When I told her I was detoxing she seemed very knowledgeable on alternative health care, which was great because it gave us something to talk about. I am not sure when the exact turning point of the conversation happened, it was subtle, but I slowly realized I found her very scary.
She explained to me how the president has sold us out to the middle east. She talked about how he has proven that we are no longer allies to Israel. Now I am all for disliking our current administration, I take a certain pleasure in it. It was when she went on telling me how everything bad that happened in Israel would be double here in the states that I took notice. She talked of things like earthquakes and hurricanes and how we were doomed. We would probably only have one more election before our country was ruined and past the point of being able to have elections. She offered to send me over a video about the anti-christ. She was a very nice lady, and I was heartened to hear that not all Christian conservatives were backing Bush, however I found her surety on our destruction more than a little frightening. I am not frightened of the destruction she was talking about. What frightened me was the fact that she does represent a part of our population, and a person who is scared is easy to control. If enough of our voters are scared for the future I worry about the kind of choices we will make. Religious fanatics, from any religion, scare me.
Monday, January 21, 2008
48 hour fast
I am not a crazy person, well not totally, yet today I found myself shouting obscenities at my car radio. There is a local morning show that I used to listen to regularly. For a variety of reasons I don't listen much anymore. This morning I dropped my kids off at school, yes literally, and happened to hear the d.j. saying that it was ridiculous to choose a candidate based on gender or race. I didn't know what he was specifically talking about at the time. I shouted "Fuck you Ramon, Fuck you!" very loudly. I do happen to agree with his statement, we should choose our leaders on their ability to lead, it is just that he says things with no consistency. This man is a man that I have heard, more than once, say that he would never vote for a woman president. For him to be judging anyone else on how they choose their candidate is ridiculous.
On a different subject, I am fasting today. Around last Wednesday I decided to do the seven day detox. I did it a few years ago and I felt great when I was done. When to start is always the hard decision. Anna had just told me that her and a few friends were inviting themselves over to my house Saturday night. Sunday is when we have our large family breakfast, so I put it off until today. Last night at ten I decided to go in and have one last meal. What did I choose? A huge bowl of cereal. Wheat and dairy a a large part of my diet;I am going to miss them. Miss Universe is doing it also, she is the one who mentioned it first. This is her first time so I am curious to see how she likes it. I talked to Tams last night and she said she should do it with me again, but I am not sure she will. She is the one who loaned me the book and did it with me a few years ago.
I washed all of my tea pots and put them aside. It is all herbal tea for me now. Tea pots aren't really required for herbal tea since they come in tea bags. All of my wine glasses are washed and snug in their cupboard. Since this seems to be a time of renewal I think I'll season my cast iron skillets tonight. At least once in the winter I like to cover them in shortening and leave them in a 200 degree oven all night. I was washing one of them this morning and the smell of what I had cooked last wafted up to meet me. Yesterday morning I had sliced beef fillets and browned them in olive oil. They were heavily seasoned with salt,pepper, and garlic. I set them aside to be put in omelets. I then poured a few cups of red wine in the skillet to deglaze the pan. I added a can of beef broth and let it cook down into a thick sauce that was perfect to saute mushrooms in. The mushrooms were put into the omelets too. The rich beefy smell coming from the skillet filled my head and made me wonder if this fasting was a silly idea.
On a different subject, I am fasting today. Around last Wednesday I decided to do the seven day detox. I did it a few years ago and I felt great when I was done. When to start is always the hard decision. Anna had just told me that her and a few friends were inviting themselves over to my house Saturday night. Sunday is when we have our large family breakfast, so I put it off until today. Last night at ten I decided to go in and have one last meal. What did I choose? A huge bowl of cereal. Wheat and dairy a a large part of my diet;I am going to miss them. Miss Universe is doing it also, she is the one who mentioned it first. This is her first time so I am curious to see how she likes it. I talked to Tams last night and she said she should do it with me again, but I am not sure she will. She is the one who loaned me the book and did it with me a few years ago.
I washed all of my tea pots and put them aside. It is all herbal tea for me now. Tea pots aren't really required for herbal tea since they come in tea bags. All of my wine glasses are washed and snug in their cupboard. Since this seems to be a time of renewal I think I'll season my cast iron skillets tonight. At least once in the winter I like to cover them in shortening and leave them in a 200 degree oven all night. I was washing one of them this morning and the smell of what I had cooked last wafted up to meet me. Yesterday morning I had sliced beef fillets and browned them in olive oil. They were heavily seasoned with salt,pepper, and garlic. I set them aside to be put in omelets. I then poured a few cups of red wine in the skillet to deglaze the pan. I added a can of beef broth and let it cook down into a thick sauce that was perfect to saute mushrooms in. The mushrooms were put into the omelets too. The rich beefy smell coming from the skillet filled my head and made me wonder if this fasting was a silly idea.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
Morning tea
One of the things I miss, since I started working more, is morning tea. On days I work I sleep as late as possible;being awake in the morning is akin to torture for me. my breakfast is usually buttered toast or a banana which I eat while driving as fast as possible to work, and I am still a few minutes late. My tea is too hot to drink until I get there, then if we are busy it goes cold and has to be reheated.
Yesterday I wasn't hungry so I made a large pot of blueberry roobios and drank it throughout the morning. Today I woke up starving. I made a pot of Czar Nicholas. There was still bread left from yesterday so I toasted four slices. After buttering them I covered two with honey and two with strawberry jam. I ate while reading blogs and listening to The Cloud Room. That in my opinion is a perfect morning.
Yesterday morning I had a message on my phone saying Pookie has crawled. I am excited to see this. The message had been sent at midnight. My family is full of night owls; this little guy is no exception. I am going to pick him up now so Fria Chica can take a nap. I hope he will crawl for me.
Yesterday I wasn't hungry so I made a large pot of blueberry roobios and drank it throughout the morning. Today I woke up starving. I made a pot of Czar Nicholas. There was still bread left from yesterday so I toasted four slices. After buttering them I covered two with honey and two with strawberry jam. I ate while reading blogs and listening to The Cloud Room. That in my opinion is a perfect morning.
Yesterday morning I had a message on my phone saying Pookie has crawled. I am excited to see this. The message had been sent at midnight. My family is full of night owls; this little guy is no exception. I am going to pick him up now so Fria Chica can take a nap. I hope he will crawl for me.
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
Two days off!
Two glorious days off, I am never going to want to go back to work now. Tiki is taking her vacation starting Friday so days off are going to be nonexistent for eight days. Therefore, I am trying to completely enjoy these two. I held my breath Monday and Tuesday expecting the schedule to be changed. My days off were sure to disappear. That has been happening a lot lately;I smile and say no problem, but I hate it. I had thought it would be nice to have a least one of these days home alone, but that isn't going to happen. Huggy Bear is coming over both days while her parents work. I don't mind at all because I miss her. It is also snowing outside, so school may be canceled tomorrow.
Huggy Bear helped me make French bread and start a soup earlier. By the time we were finished she was covered in flour and had to have a bath. I can't believe how much she is talking now, and so clearly too. She was sitting on the table wiping flour onto the floor. When I told her stop she said "No" in a very calm voice. She then picked up a handful and threw it at a cabinet door. "Stop" I said quite firmly. "Fine" She answered in a very preteen way. All of this attitude and she is only two.
All of the great trips I have planned that have fallen through in the last two years,it is a trip to Florida that is really going to happen. Not that I dislike Florida, we just have already done the whole Disneyland thing as a family and I went to Florida on my senior trip. I wanted to go to New York, Canada, or Mexico. Enough of that though. I am sure I will love going to Florida, I enjoyed my last trip there, I just wanted to go somewhere new. This is a group trip, that is why we are going. I agreed to go because I had promised Princess and Curly Top that I would take them to Disney. Now their mother won't let them go, and it would be rude to back out at this point.
Miss Universe and her family are going, which is going to be great. Of all of the people we have vacationed with they are the most fun. The other family going happens to be Godiva,Raul, and their three children. Raul is Miss Universe's brother-in-law, Rolando's younger brother. They are a fun couple, but really I prefer them in small doses. We are all renting a four bedroom house together, if we aren't careful we may end up watching their young ones in large doses. Godiva is also very bossy, and seems to be against splitting up. I have firmly pointed out three times that my children are much older than hers so we aren't going to spend all of our time doing the same things. We are renting separate vehicles just to have an escape if needed. The plane tickets have been bought and the house is paid for. We are going.
I have mentioned before how red this corner of the state is. There happen to be some very vocal conservatives at work that are driving me crazy. Bell brought in an e-mail she had printed off and presented it in a very final-see here-I am right kind of a way. It was that old lame lie about how much the Clinton's get paid in rent from their secret service men. I got as far as printing off the snopes page on the subject, but then I wondered what is more important, being right or having peace in the work place. I haven't decided yet, so I am just avoiding any political conversations. Everybody should have their own opinions and being conservative, is not a crime. I just wish people would at least check out what they read or hear before passing it along.
Huggy Bear helped me make French bread and start a soup earlier. By the time we were finished she was covered in flour and had to have a bath. I can't believe how much she is talking now, and so clearly too. She was sitting on the table wiping flour onto the floor. When I told her stop she said "No" in a very calm voice. She then picked up a handful and threw it at a cabinet door. "Stop" I said quite firmly. "Fine" She answered in a very preteen way. All of this attitude and she is only two.
All of the great trips I have planned that have fallen through in the last two years,it is a trip to Florida that is really going to happen. Not that I dislike Florida, we just have already done the whole Disneyland thing as a family and I went to Florida on my senior trip. I wanted to go to New York, Canada, or Mexico. Enough of that though. I am sure I will love going to Florida, I enjoyed my last trip there, I just wanted to go somewhere new. This is a group trip, that is why we are going. I agreed to go because I had promised Princess and Curly Top that I would take them to Disney. Now their mother won't let them go, and it would be rude to back out at this point.
Miss Universe and her family are going, which is going to be great. Of all of the people we have vacationed with they are the most fun. The other family going happens to be Godiva,Raul, and their three children. Raul is Miss Universe's brother-in-law, Rolando's younger brother. They are a fun couple, but really I prefer them in small doses. We are all renting a four bedroom house together, if we aren't careful we may end up watching their young ones in large doses. Godiva is also very bossy, and seems to be against splitting up. I have firmly pointed out three times that my children are much older than hers so we aren't going to spend all of our time doing the same things. We are renting separate vehicles just to have an escape if needed. The plane tickets have been bought and the house is paid for. We are going.
I have mentioned before how red this corner of the state is. There happen to be some very vocal conservatives at work that are driving me crazy. Bell brought in an e-mail she had printed off and presented it in a very final-see here-I am right kind of a way. It was that old lame lie about how much the Clinton's get paid in rent from their secret service men. I got as far as printing off the snopes page on the subject, but then I wondered what is more important, being right or having peace in the work place. I haven't decided yet, so I am just avoiding any political conversations. Everybody should have their own opinions and being conservative, is not a crime. I just wish people would at least check out what they read or hear before passing it along.
Monday, January 07, 2008
Rambling on about resolutions.
I told myself that I would start doing better at posting regularly. So here I am and I can't think of a thing to say. I'll just rattle on for a minute and see what happens. That whole start posting more wasn't a New Year's resolution, it just happened to come about around the end of last year so it feels like one. I never have really done the whole make resolutions on the 1st and really don't intend to start now.
My life is just feeling really out of balance and I really need to make some changes. The things that mean something to me have been taking back seat to things I really just do because I have to. So I decided to spend more time just hanging out with my kids, to go outside more, to start walking again, to make time to cook more, to spend an hour or two in my room reading every once in a while, and most of all-start working on my house again. Now I have to run. Jason is playing basketball in Balko today so I am off to cheer him on.
My life is just feeling really out of balance and I really need to make some changes. The things that mean something to me have been taking back seat to things I really just do because I have to. So I decided to spend more time just hanging out with my kids, to go outside more, to start walking again, to make time to cook more, to spend an hour or two in my room reading every once in a while, and most of all-start working on my house again. Now I have to run. Jason is playing basketball in Balko today so I am off to cheer him on.
Friday, January 04, 2008
2007 reading list
I wanted to save the list somehow, so here it is in post form.
Books read in 2007.
* Outlander --- Only book on the list that I didn't like.
* Saving fish from drowning
* The Night Watch
* The Worst Hard Time
* Farewell To Arms
* The sweet life
* The secret life of bees
* Jeeves and the song of songs
* Undomestic Goddess
* The Crystal Cave
* Stardust
* American Gods
* Islands In The Stream
* In her Shoes
* Whitethorn Woods
* The Bridge To Terabithia
* The Birth of Britain
* The Sun Also Rises*
* Thursday Next
* A Respectable Trade
* Byron's Poems
* Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
* The Tower of Beowolf
* Kite Runner
* Inkheart
* Robin and the King
* A Long Way Gone
* Marley & Me
* Sherwood
* Dress Your Family in Courderoy and Denim
* Domain
* The Sea, The Sea
* Death Is Not The End
* Heidi*
* The Irish Village Murder
* Woman on the edge of Time
* My Life as a Fake
* The Little Princesses
* The Rum Diary
* The Girl In Hyacinth Blue
* Saint Maybe
* One Day The Ice Will Reveal All Its Dead
* Something Rotten
* The Well Of lost Plots
* Lost in a Good Book
* The Eyre Affair
Books read in 2007.
* Outlander --- Only book on the list that I didn't like.
* Saving fish from drowning
* The Night Watch
* The Worst Hard Time
* Farewell To Arms
* The sweet life
* The secret life of bees
* Jeeves and the song of songs
* Undomestic Goddess
* The Crystal Cave
* Stardust
* American Gods
* Islands In The Stream
* In her Shoes
* Whitethorn Woods
* The Bridge To Terabithia
* The Birth of Britain
* The Sun Also Rises*
* Thursday Next
* A Respectable Trade
* Byron's Poems
* Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows
* The Tower of Beowolf
* Kite Runner
* Inkheart
* Robin and the King
* A Long Way Gone
* Marley & Me
* Sherwood
* Dress Your Family in Courderoy and Denim
* Domain
* The Sea, The Sea
* Death Is Not The End
* Heidi*
* The Irish Village Murder
* Woman on the edge of Time
* My Life as a Fake
* The Little Princesses
* The Rum Diary
* The Girl In Hyacinth Blue
* Saint Maybe
* One Day The Ice Will Reveal All Its Dead
* Something Rotten
* The Well Of lost Plots
* Lost in a Good Book
* The Eyre Affair
Forty-six books in 2007
Forty six books finished this year, and only one of them I didn't like. There is low number of rereads this time, only two. As a child there were a few books I read over and over, several times a year. Jacob Have I Loved, The Witch of Blackbird Pond, and The Long Winter are a few that I remember. I have talked to people who say they never reread books. They are missing out. Most books have something new to find in them each time you read them.
I have a stack of books laying in piles around my bed that I have started and at some point intend to finish. They hopefully will be on the list next year. Looking over this year's list it looks like a good reading year. I read less nonfiction than usual, but I got on a fantasy kick for a good part of the year. My love of memoirs isn't represented much either. To start off next year I am already in the middle of a few memoirs.
I was so plowed when I made that last post that all I remember doing was squinting at the post and backspacing to correct the many typing errors. I am glad I posted though, because by morning I had forgot about that conversation until I read it. It made me laugh as I yakked several times on my drive to Wichita. I had picked up the girls a few days after Christmas to spend part of their school vacation with us. The first was the only day I had off to drive them home. At one point I pulled over to throw up and as I was holding it in until I came to a stop it started to come out my nose. That was a nice visual wasn't it? Anyway it took much longer than the usual four hours to make the drive there. I took an hour nap on my sisters couch and felt better when I woke up. The ride home was regurgitation free and went much faster. My i-pod went dead though so I couldn't listen to The Golden Compass on the way home, that sucked.
I have a stack of books laying in piles around my bed that I have started and at some point intend to finish. They hopefully will be on the list next year. Looking over this year's list it looks like a good reading year. I read less nonfiction than usual, but I got on a fantasy kick for a good part of the year. My love of memoirs isn't represented much either. To start off next year I am already in the middle of a few memoirs.
I was so plowed when I made that last post that all I remember doing was squinting at the post and backspacing to correct the many typing errors. I am glad I posted though, because by morning I had forgot about that conversation until I read it. It made me laugh as I yakked several times on my drive to Wichita. I had picked up the girls a few days after Christmas to spend part of their school vacation with us. The first was the only day I had off to drive them home. At one point I pulled over to throw up and as I was holding it in until I came to a stop it started to come out my nose. That was a nice visual wasn't it? Anyway it took much longer than the usual four hours to make the drive there. I took an hour nap on my sisters couch and felt better when I woke up. The ride home was regurgitation free and went much faster. My i-pod went dead though so I couldn't listen to The Golden Compass on the way home, that sucked.
Tuesday, January 01, 2008
Happy new year!
So how is your new year going? There have been many funny conversations in mine so far. Unfortunately the only one I remember goes something like this.
Fria chica: You know how you said Miss Universe was funny when she was drinking? Well you are even funnier.
Miss universe: Yeah, you aren't being a tight ass bitch.
Unfortunately I think they may be right. I was quite a lot of fun tonight. I am also still worried about my spelling and grammar, so maybe I can be a tight ass bitch sometimes.
Fria chica: You know how you said Miss Universe was funny when she was drinking? Well you are even funnier.
Miss universe: Yeah, you aren't being a tight ass bitch.
Unfortunately I think they may be right. I was quite a lot of fun tonight. I am also still worried about my spelling and grammar, so maybe I can be a tight ass bitch sometimes.
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