This time last year I was talked into trying for a job in the Elk. office if an opening came up. I was lukewarm on the idea at the time, but after a year of fermenting the idea has started to sound really good. Thursday I found out that I will be interviewed, eventually. I swear, they expect me to complete my work in double time and they take months to do anything. The problem is the lady doing the hiring, who I really like and would enjoy working with, is choosing between me, one of her good friends, and the daughter of another one of her good friends. My chances aren't looking too good are they?
Tuesday night Miss Universe and I went to Wichita to pick up Princess and Curly top. I have been working so much I haven't really spent much time with them. Even so I am glad they are here for the few hours a day we do get to spend together. Drama Queen has put me through a roller coaster of emotions over the last two years. From what I saw of her this week I'm afraid she is starting up for another ride. I don't know if I have the strength. My emotions have went from worry, to fear, to anger, to empathy, to hope, to pride, to joy. I am back at worry and wondering how to jump the tracks.
Saturday, June 30, 2007
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Not bad for a Monday
Mondays used to be my favorite day of the week. I worked Friday-Sunday. When I dropped the kids off at school Monday morning it was my chance to have some time to myself. Of course now it is summer, which means very little time to myself. On top of that I have been and will be working every Monday for an indefinite amount of time. To make my day a little more tiring my body decided yesterday would be a perfect day to start trolling for vampires.
After work I jumped into my van, which has a broke air conditioner, and went to get a chocolate shake. If I have to drive seventeen miles in 98 degree weather I want ice cream. The burger place I usually stop at was out of ice cream for the next hour. The convenience store didn't even sell ice cream bars. I grabbed a flavored water and drove home. When I made it home I realized it was going to be one of those rare evenings when everybody but me had something to do. Once I closed the door behind the last of my family I opened a bag of kisses with almonds and sat down to watch t.v. all alone.
My plans for the evening were to veg out for a minute while eating too much chocolate, wander over here and post on this neglected blog, go get my ass kicked in tennis, read a bit, and go to bed. Instead I answered the phone when it rang. Huggy bear's grandparents called, as they usually do when they are babysitting and I am home, and hinted that they would like me to come and get her. I pouted as I walked the block to their house. The minute I saw her smiling face, which really did light up when I walked in, I quit pouting and picked her up. We went home and ate the whole bag of kisses together. She handed me the almonds after sucking all of the chocolate off of them. I looked around for a napkin or plate to set them on, since nothing like that was within reach I just ate them.
The phone never stopped ringing so I ended up taking some lighter fluid down to Anna's house. We sat in her yard and drank a couple glasses of white wine while H.b. chattered on to the dog and cat. After dropping Huggy bear off with her dad I went to the school with Tams to check the renovations they are making in her room. We sat in the middle of the mess and talked about the idiots surrounding us. We often say the world would be a much better place if everybody would just do things our way.
Fria Chica and I went to play tennis. For once I won. We played two matches and I won them both. I cheered and did a Rocky impersonation. I like to think I didn't rub it in too much, but I probably did. Some might say I won because we have been playing almost every day for a few months and my skills have improved. It could be that my backhand is getting stronger, and I am gaining more control of the ball. Or it could be that the baby has dropped really low into the birth canal, she is effacing, and the nurse just that same day said the baby could come any minute now.
It does say something about my skills when a nine month pregnant lady has been beating me all month, and I still had to fight really hard to win this time. I am so glad she didn't have the baby last night. At least she can't say, 'yeah, but I was in labor.'
After work I jumped into my van, which has a broke air conditioner, and went to get a chocolate shake. If I have to drive seventeen miles in 98 degree weather I want ice cream. The burger place I usually stop at was out of ice cream for the next hour. The convenience store didn't even sell ice cream bars. I grabbed a flavored water and drove home. When I made it home I realized it was going to be one of those rare evenings when everybody but me had something to do. Once I closed the door behind the last of my family I opened a bag of kisses with almonds and sat down to watch t.v. all alone.
My plans for the evening were to veg out for a minute while eating too much chocolate, wander over here and post on this neglected blog, go get my ass kicked in tennis, read a bit, and go to bed. Instead I answered the phone when it rang. Huggy bear's grandparents called, as they usually do when they are babysitting and I am home, and hinted that they would like me to come and get her. I pouted as I walked the block to their house. The minute I saw her smiling face, which really did light up when I walked in, I quit pouting and picked her up. We went home and ate the whole bag of kisses together. She handed me the almonds after sucking all of the chocolate off of them. I looked around for a napkin or plate to set them on, since nothing like that was within reach I just ate them.
The phone never stopped ringing so I ended up taking some lighter fluid down to Anna's house. We sat in her yard and drank a couple glasses of white wine while H.b. chattered on to the dog and cat. After dropping Huggy bear off with her dad I went to the school with Tams to check the renovations they are making in her room. We sat in the middle of the mess and talked about the idiots surrounding us. We often say the world would be a much better place if everybody would just do things our way.
Fria Chica and I went to play tennis. For once I won. We played two matches and I won them both. I cheered and did a Rocky impersonation. I like to think I didn't rub it in too much, but I probably did. Some might say I won because we have been playing almost every day for a few months and my skills have improved. It could be that my backhand is getting stronger, and I am gaining more control of the ball. Or it could be that the baby has dropped really low into the birth canal, she is effacing, and the nurse just that same day said the baby could come any minute now.
It does say something about my skills when a nine month pregnant lady has been beating me all month, and I still had to fight really hard to win this time. I am so glad she didn't have the baby last night. At least she can't say, 'yeah, but I was in labor.'
Tuesday, June 19, 2007
I have been on hold with an airline for the last one hour and fifteen minutes. What do you do in this situation? Do you hang up and call back later, or consider the time already invested and stick it out? During this time I have found aspartame in my yogurt. I blame the Reagan administration for this. I should not have to carefully screen every ingredient in my purchases to protect myself from brain cancer.
summer time
What am I doing with my summer vacation? Not enough of what I would like to be doing. I am working more than usual this summer. I watch four baseball games a week. Fortunately this is the last week of that. When the girls went home to live with their mother I felt an empty spot in my life so I started working on the hot tub I had been planning in my head. I haven't had much time to mess with it either though. The empty spot in my life was something I expected and planned for. What I didn't expect was actual physical pain. For the first two weeks after I took them home I hurt. It is hard to explain a pain that doesn't radiate from any single part of the body. It just settled in and made itself at home.
Princess and Curly top weren't always easy and they took more time than all three boys did put together, but after a year we were at a point where we were used to the extra work and didn't notice it. What we noticed were the extra smiles in our house, and the extra good night kisses. Sometimes when I'm out working in the yard I still look up and try to find them riding their bikes. The pain has lessoned now. I don't spontaneously burst into tears any more, but I still miss them. One day not long after they left I went to the pool to take Lane some money. As I walked out I noticed a bike exactly like Princess's. It was thrown carelessly on the cement. Princess was very particular about her bike, she would have put the kickstand down and made sure it was stable before she ran into the pool. This one thought set off my tears. My house is a quieter place now, less fighting, crying, and whining, but also less giggles, hugs, and people to tickle.
Princess and Curly top weren't always easy and they took more time than all three boys did put together, but after a year we were at a point where we were used to the extra work and didn't notice it. What we noticed were the extra smiles in our house, and the extra good night kisses. Sometimes when I'm out working in the yard I still look up and try to find them riding their bikes. The pain has lessoned now. I don't spontaneously burst into tears any more, but I still miss them. One day not long after they left I went to the pool to take Lane some money. As I walked out I noticed a bike exactly like Princess's. It was thrown carelessly on the cement. Princess was very particular about her bike, she would have put the kickstand down and made sure it was stable before she ran into the pool. This one thought set off my tears. My house is a quieter place now, less fighting, crying, and whining, but also less giggles, hugs, and people to tickle.
Wednesday, June 06, 2007
No good excuse for the absence
I am behind in nearly every portion of my life right now. Why would this blog be any different? My two jobs seem to be the only parts of my life that I am keeping current at. Well, I have also read three books this week. Can I count them as therapy? A while back I noticed I wasn't reading much. That disturbed me. Part of that was not having as much free time. There were five kids running through my house demanding silly things from me. At the end of the school year more kids means more field trips, more programs, more treats to be made for parties. One Friday I rode on a bus full of first and second graders to the zoo, the next I met the fourth and fifth graders at a fishing pond. The high point of the zoo trip was watching the kids standing way to close to the Rhino's fence then trying to dodge the urine he shot at them. Since I was thinking ahead to the ride home I was rooting for the kids, otherwise seeing them get shot with urine would have made my day. Part of me was thinking that the fishing trip was a lame field trip. The pond was only ten miles out of town. Not much of a trip. I was wrong it was actually a lovely day. Before lunch I read a little and watched the kids play. I didn't think about there being a naked Barbie on the cover of my book until dh pointed it out. Would somebody find this an offensive thing to bring to a grade school activity? Did I care if they did? I gave it some thought and decided that the people who found it offensive would probably be the same ones who would be offended by reading a book an openly gay man wrote about his life. So I shrugged and didn't worry about it. The kids fished, I spread out a blanket in the shade. At noon Curly top, Huggy bear, dh, and I ate a picnic lunch. Lane was too busy having a water fight to eat. After lunch I hauled the kids around in the paddle boat. Then with my legs feeling like jello I drove home.
So yes I have been busy, but lack of time wasn't the only reason I wasn't reading. There just seemed to be a lack of concentration within me. For most of my life I have been in the middle of a book. When you are in the middle of a book there seems to be another layer to life. Throughout the day, when you are going about your life, their are characters in the back of your head. They hang out in your thoughts giving you something to think about. Sometimes, and this may just be me being odd, I see my world through their eyes. I don't understand people who don't like to read. Their life seems limited to their own experiences. I was becoming one of them. None of the books I picked up engaged me.
Last summer Lee and I made a deal that involved me reading one Steve Alten book and him reading one Terry Pratchett book. Neither of us fulfilled our part. Lee brought it up during this slump and handed me Domain. The next day I sat down to read and after a few paragraphs noticed Curly top was watching a Sponge bob I had never seen. Before I knew it the book was resting in my lap while I watched cartoons. I picked it up again and read a little further then I realized I wasn't reading any longer, but staring at the ceiling thinking about the universe. Now that is an acceptable time out. That is one of the things books are for, to give you a thought and let you mind run with it for awhile. That evening I did settle down and read. It was just what I needed. I read it in two long gulps. My dry spell was over.
So yes I have been busy, but lack of time wasn't the only reason I wasn't reading. There just seemed to be a lack of concentration within me. For most of my life I have been in the middle of a book. When you are in the middle of a book there seems to be another layer to life. Throughout the day, when you are going about your life, their are characters in the back of your head. They hang out in your thoughts giving you something to think about. Sometimes, and this may just be me being odd, I see my world through their eyes. I don't understand people who don't like to read. Their life seems limited to their own experiences. I was becoming one of them. None of the books I picked up engaged me.
Last summer Lee and I made a deal that involved me reading one Steve Alten book and him reading one Terry Pratchett book. Neither of us fulfilled our part. Lee brought it up during this slump and handed me Domain. The next day I sat down to read and after a few paragraphs noticed Curly top was watching a Sponge bob I had never seen. Before I knew it the book was resting in my lap while I watched cartoons. I picked it up again and read a little further then I realized I wasn't reading any longer, but staring at the ceiling thinking about the universe. Now that is an acceptable time out. That is one of the things books are for, to give you a thought and let you mind run with it for awhile. That evening I did settle down and read. It was just what I needed. I read it in two long gulps. My dry spell was over.
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